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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23557615">Moonstruck</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UsernameOK/pseuds/UsernameOK'>UsernameOK</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Durarara!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexuality, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Friendship/Love, Gen, Heartbreak, Moving On, Obsession, Possessive Behavior, Possibly Pre-Slash, Stalking, Talking, Yandere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:08:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,428</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23557615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UsernameOK/pseuds/UsernameOK</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lovesickness isn't what most people assume it is. It's not about feeling good. What happens is more of an affliction; symptoms include insomnia, loss of appetite, things associated with a generally foul condition. </p><p>It's the last thing they wanted to get.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Heiwajima Shizuo/Original Female Character(s), Orihara Izaya/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hello there.”</p><p>The woman almost missed him; the building they had agreed to meet on was tall enough so there wasn’t much light cast on the rooftop. He moved out of the shadow cast over his waiting spot with a smile.</p><p>“Oh hello.” </p><p>“You’re Ai, yes?”</p><p>“Who are you?”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m Kanra.”</p><p>“Kanra?”</p><p>“Were you expecting someone else?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I assumed you were a woman.”</p><p>“My bad. I didn’t think it mattered, so I never bothered to clarify.”</p><p>The woman’s name isn’t Ai. It’s just the name she uses online. She recognizes that this person’s name likely isn’t Kanra. From the way he typed and littered his sentences with emojis, she hadn’t thought he would be a ‘he’.</p><p>“It’s fine. Have you been waiting long?”</p><p>Kanra laughs softly. “That sounds like a line.”</p><p>Ai laughs despite herself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”</p><p>“No worries. Did you have trouble getting here?”</p><p>“Actually…”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you.”</p><p>“Try me.” </p><p>Kanra steps forward and Ai can see him in the faint moonlight. He’s handsome, in an almost delicate sort of way. Ai can’t quite place his age; he leans back against the roof guard railing with a yawn. More than anything, Ai is struck by how bored he appears.</p><p>“I was almost hit by a van on my way here. I got pushed into the street, but I don’t know who did it. The walk cross was so crowded.” Ai recalled. “It was probably an accident.”</p><p>“Are you hurt?”</p><p>“No...here’s the crazy part. I was saved. I know this sounds nuts, but someone grabbed me just before the van could run me over. Next thing I knew, I was on the street on someone's motorcycle.”</p><p>“A motorist grabbed you?”</p><p>“Sort of. This is the crazy part.” Ai continues slowly. “It was a shadow that pulled me out of the way. At least, that’s what it looked like. It felt so solid, but when I was on the bike, it disappeared into the rider’s shadow.”</p><p>“Are you talking about that urban legend?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Ai confessed; she leaned back against the railing too and looked up at the sky. “She dropped me off a little bit away from here and took off. She was dressed in black and had a helmet on. It was so surreal, but my hands are still shaking. The ride didn’t feel like I was on a bike either. It was like, I don’t know. If I hadn’t just been saved by her, I wouldn’t believe it, but there it is.”</p><p>“She?” Kanra cocked his head to the side. “What makes you say ‘she’?”</p><p>Ai looked somewhat abashed. “I accidentally felt her chest when I was trying to hang on.”</p><p>Kanra stares at Ai blankly for a moment before he bursts into laughter. </p><p>“Hey, don’t laugh. I almost died.” </p><p>Ai’s smile falters and Kanra collects himself, though not without some chuckling through his reply.</p><p>“I’m guessing our pact is off now? I mean, you seem pretty relieved to have been saved.” </p><p>Kanra watches Ai as she looks down at her feet with visible embarrassment.</p><p>“Just as I expected. You don’t really want to die. This whole experiment was a waste of time.”</p><p>“Experiment?”</p><p>Kanra sighs before hosting himself up to perch on the railing with ease. He observes her like a crafty cat about to close in on their prey.</p><p>“I’ll put things simply. I was the one in the crowd who pushed you and the one who sent the Black Rider down that street. I didn’t actually give specific directions to rescue you, but I figured she would. My timing and my hunch were correct.”</p><p>Ai watches with a gaping mouth as Kanra kicks his legs back and forth childishly. “You...but why? We’ve been talking for months. How do you even know the Black Rider?”</p><p>“I wanted to see what kind of expression you’d make when I told you all this. You have a very plain face though. I was hoping for something a bit more dramatic.” Kanra grins. “No yelling? No tears? The last girl tried to slap me. I’ll give you a free one if you want to try to knock me over the railing.”</p><p>“You don’t want to kill yourself?”</p><p>“Nope. Not me. And apparently you don’t either.”</p><p>“I never wanted to kill myself.”</p><p>Kanra’s legs stop swinging; it’s not the first time someone has tried to save face in front of him, to deny their words and their feelings to salvage a little pride for their trouble. </p><p>“Everything I told you was true though. That’s why I go into these chat groups, to talk with people like me. I’ve met people in person and sometimes it’s because they wanted to make a pact. They didn’t want to die alone I guess. It’s dishonest, but I go and try to talk to them. Usually I never hear from them afterward. Once this girl’s parents messaged me that she had hung herself. She left a note; she wanted them to tell me ‘thanks for trying.’”</p><p>As Ai speaks, her voice becomes progressively more unsteady; there’s tears in her eyes. Kanra is still smiling, waiting for her to finish her confession.</p><p>“What you did is pretty messed up. I’m mad I got dragged out here and almost got killed. I wasn’t completely truthful either, so maybe it’s just as well.”</p><p>“Now that I think about it, you never actually did say you planned to jump too.” Kanra regards Ai with a smirk. “Does it make you feel good about yourself? Do you think you’re some sort of hero for trying to stop people from ending it on their own terms?”</p><p>“If I was, I’m not doing such a good job, am I?” Ai wipes her face. “And what about you?”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“How do you know the Black Rider?”</p><p>“If I told you-”</p><p>“You’d have to kill me?”</p><p>“Charge for the info. I don’t just give out the contents of my personal life.” </p><p>It might have been a barb, but Ai doesn’t seem particularly offended. “I don’t see any reason to lie. It’s how I feel.”</p><p>“So you want to die?”</p><p>“No. Not really.” Ai shrugs. “Sometimes I think no one really does. They just want to stop suffering and can’t see any other way out.”</p><p>“And you think there’s no reason for someone to kill themselves?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I can’t speak for everyone. All I can do is what makes me feel better.”</p><p>“It must make you feel good, knowing you’re so kind.”</p><p>“I-”</p><p>“Don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying you don’t care. Your intentions are obviously well meant and I can’t fault you for that.” Kanra’s tone says otherwise, but Ai doesn’t interrupt. “Still, don’t stand there and tell me part of it isn’t about feeling better about yourself.”</p><p>Ai’s defensive frown turns into something of a smile. “Nothing can do that. I’d just feel worse not doing anything about it.”</p><p>“People committing suicide?”</p><p>“Letting someone like me know they’re not alone. That’s why I don’t know if I’d call it being kind. It’s easy to empathize when I know what someone else is going through.” Ai replies quietly. “But I’m not stupid you know. I get that I can’t stop someone from making the decision to kill themselves. I just want to do what I can.”</p><p>“Oh? What would you do if I jumped right now?”</p><p>Before Ai can respond, Kanra leans over backwards.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>Ai’s scream echoes down the alley and over the surrounding buildings; it’s the only sound Kanra hears aside from the low rumble of a motor and the faint whinny of a phantom horse. It’s almost invisible to see in the night, yet Kanra and Ai can feel the presence of the shadows before they become encompassed in complete darkness halfway down to the pavement below.</p><p>It’s less than a minute, but all Kanra can see is pitch black nothing; it’s unnerving. It’s too much like what death might look like, at least until Kanra reminds himself that nothingness isn’t anything like unending darkness. It’s something he nor anyone else can comprehend, not while they’re alive; Kanra knows he’s alive because he can still hear the sounds of tire screeching and feel Ai’s hand clenched tightly around his wrist.</p><p>It’s still a relief when the shadow cocoon that lowered Kanra and Ai safely to the ground releases them; Ai is still hanging onto his wrist before Kanra slips away and rises to stand. </p><p>“Once again, you go above and beyond my expectations. It’s almost predictable.”</p><p>The Black Rider’s motorcycle is parked a foot away; she’s typing away on a phone as she makes her way toward them, her steps weightless and silent on the ground. Ai is just getting to her own unsteady feet; she leans a bit against the wall of the building they had just fallen from to regain some balance.</p><p>“I hate heights.” </p><p>Kanra glances at her with a raised eyebrow. “Yet you agreed to meet me on a ten story building.”</p><p>“Hey, what was that?!” Ai sputters, finally catching her breath. “Why did you jump? And...oh. You again.”</p><p>The Black Rider nods and motions for Ai to come closer; the phone is held up for them to read the message.</p><p>
  <b>“Hello. Are you alright?”</b>
</p><p>“I think so.” Ai straightens up. “Nothing’s broken. Thank you ma’am.”</p><p>“I could have done with a softer landing.” Kanra grouses playfully.</p><p>“What? You’ve got to be kidding.” Ai frowns at him. “Did you set this up too?”</p><p>“I didn’t, honest.” Kanra puts his hands up. “I guessed Celty would be around, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t in any danger. You on the other hand...well, let’s just say it’s a good thing your savior came through for a second time tonight.”</p><p>Ai gives Kanra a dirty look before facing Celty, who’s in the middle of a new message.</p><p>
  <b>“I thought Izaya would pull something like this.”</b>
</p><p>“Hey, I never told her to leap off a building. And I’ll thank you not to go around telling strangers my personal information.” </p><p>Ai can’t argue with that; it couldn’t be more apparent that the person she’s been pouring her heart out to is not the Kanra she knew. That person never existed; all there ended up being was a strange man named Izaya, who for whatever reason, decided Ai was little more than a pawn in a twisted observation. She can’t begin to understand why someone would be so compelled to go through with such a stunt, but it doesn’t really matter.</p><p>What Ai is more interested in is this being in front of her.</p><p>“Excuse me? Are you really headless?”</p><p>Celty pauses and slowly begins to type out a response for Ai to read.</p><p>
  <b>“I am.”</b>
</p><p>Ai blinks. “Wow.”</p><p>“Why don’t you show her, Celty?” Izaya interjects. </p><p>“That’s fine.” Ai shakes her head. “You don’t have to do that. I can’t thank you enough for saving me. Again.” she adds with a chuckle. “I guess it’s true what they say about meeting weirdos on the internet.”</p><p>The helmet of course has no expression and features like eyes behind the visor aren’t visible, but from the way Celty’s shoulders are moving, Ai guesses she’s laughing.</p><p>“Weirdo?” Izaya sticks his hands in his coat pockets. “I’m perfectly normal.”</p><p>Now it’s Ai’s turn to look skeptical, but she holds in a snide remark to address Celty once more.</p><p>“Ma’am, why did you follow me here?” </p><p>Celty pauses before going back to her phone. </p><p>
  <b>“I thought you might have gone through with jumping.”</b>
</p><p>“Oh no! It’s not like that actually. It was kind of a misunderstanding really.” Ai explains quickly. “At any rate, I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t cause you an inconvenience.”</p><p>
  <b>“Not at all. Just stay out of trouble.”</b>
</p><p>“Are you referring to me?” Izaya asks with a playful smirk. “It’s not nice to say things like that.”</p><p>Celty doesn’t type anything in response and Ai sort of feels like she understands what the silence means. It won’t do anything to rise to Izaya’s bait; if anything, it would encourage more remarks and give him more material to fire back with.</p><p>
  <b>“I’m off then. Goodnight.”</b>
</p><p>“Thank you ma’am.”</p><p>
  <b>“No need to be formal. Celty is fine.”</b>
</p><p>Ai smiles. “Celty then. Have a good night.” </p><p>The motorcycle makes a sound between an engine revving up and a horse braying as Celty mounts the seat; her tail lights are the last thing Ai sees before both the bike and its rider are gone into the crowded street. It all happened so fast, Ai can’t help question whether she had made impact with the ground and was stuck in a coma. Or maybe she was having a hallucination brought on by a near death experience.</p><p>“I can’t believe she’s real. I wonder how many others know about her.”</p><p>“A few, though there’s still those who try to rationalize what they can’t understand.” Izaya tells her with a shrug. “I can’t say I care much either way. The supernatural doesn’t hold much intrigue for me. Things that are inhuman...well, let's just say I can live without them. Speaking of which,”</p><p>When Ai had a chance to recall the moment later that night; there was a very faint whistling noise coming from behind Izaya and the echo of footsteps on the other end of the alley. Ai might have been too spell bound thinking of the strangeness she had already been through to notice much else around her. </p><p>The pain Ai was in from Izaya shoving her to the wall would have been nothing compared to getting crushed by the flying vending machine that whizzed within a few inches of killing sending them both to early graves.</p><p>“Izaya!”</p><p>“Looks like I’ve got to run.” Izaya looks down at Ai with a careless smile. “But I guess even Shizu-chan has his uses. Now we’re even.” </p><p>Ai barely manages to get out a syllable before Izaya is up and running like the wind in the opposite direction of the man charging the same way.</p><p>“I told you not to show your slime ball ass around here!”</p><p>Ai gasps. “No way.”</p><p>As Shizuo Heiwajima storms past Ai, she remains huddled on the ground, unable to do much more than look after him in awe. If she hadn’t just made the acquaintance of a headless motorcycle riding woman, Ai would believe she really was crazy. </p><p>Still, the one thing that’s most puzzling to Ai is that this person she truly only met an hour ago is somehow involved with both of these urban myths come to life. Part of Ai seriously wonders if Izaya is even the man’s real name. </p><p>The vending machine is still laying on it’s side, just laying there outside where the alley opens up. Ai makes her way to it; it’s real and it was definitely trashed; it could have easily hurt her or worse.</p><p>Ai picked up a can of coffee, carefully maneuvering her hand through the shattered glass. It was still cold.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>K: Good morning! You’re logged in early.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Did you have breakfast?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Not yet, just some coffee. I’ve been up since three. I had that dream again.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Again? I’m sorry.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I shouldn’t say this, but I didn’t want to get up. I stayed in bed for an hour just lying there wanting to go back to sleep. It’s so stupid. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: What happened in your dream? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m just worried. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: That’s sweet of you. I appreciate you thinking of me. It’s really more how the dream makes me feel to be honest with you. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: ?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I know I’m dreaming, but it feels so real. I’ve seen people who had mental breakdowns see and hear things that aren’t really there, but their senses are so messed up, they just can’t tell the difference.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. I want to live in my dreams so badly. I get so fed up and tired of my life now, it doesn’t seem worth it to get up when I could stay in this other world. Maybe it’s not real, but at least there I don’t feel like this. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It would be nice, wouldn’t it? To just escape and go somewhere else. I feel so isolated from other people. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Kanra, do you have family or friends who you talk to? I mean, in real life.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Isn’t this real life? I mean, you’re real. You’re more tangible to me than the people I see every single day. My family doesn’t care what happens to me. They don’t check in or ask me how my day is going. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I’m sorry. Have things always been like that between you and your family?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Pretty much. They could care less how I feel. As long as I keep my head down and don’t make them look bad, they could care less.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I know how that feels. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Are you still not talking to your dad?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Yep. He tried to reach out to me for a while, but I blocked him on everything. I just couldn’t take it anymore.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Is he still sober?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I don’t know. And to be honest, I really don’t care. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get into it. My issues with my parents seem so silly compared to yours.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Don’t say that. I hate when people play misery poker. You’re hurting and you shouldn’t downplay your feelings. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Sorry.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: You have nothing to be sorry about. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Can I ask you something?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: LOL you just did!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Lol. I mean, about your parents.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: ?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Do you think it’s possible to talk to them? Is there any chance that they would take it seriously if they knew how you really felt? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I doubt it. You know how people are. They only hear what they want to hear. I’m just an inconvenience to them at this point. Once I graduate uni, they expect me to join their firm and shut up. I’m little more than a prop.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: No you’re not.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: They think I am.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Well they’re wrong. You’re a good person and you have so much to offer to the world. It’s not your fault if your family can’t see that. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It took me a long time to realize the extent I was allowing myself to be used. I didn’t even realize how wrong it really was to be treated so badly. I didn’t know anything else. Things are different now though. I’m not a scared little kid who has to pay for other people’s mistakes. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Now I just pay for my own lol.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Lol, that’s a bad joke Ai-chan! I can’t imagine you making any mistakes. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I don’t know about that. Everyone screws up, right?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You’re different. You’re so self aware and strong. I wish I could be more like you and stand up for myself.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s so hard just going through the motions every day. I talk to people and it feels like I’m in a fog. The only time I feel connected to anyone is when I’m talking to you. We understand each other in a way other people couldn’t. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I see what you mean. Wanting to die isn’t exactly something anyone wants to talk about. They act like it’s a contagious disease. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Ikr? But I feel like they’re the ones who have something wrong with them. People can be so cold. My family should be the ones supporting me more than anyone. I don’t know Ai-chan. I’m so tired of it all.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: This isn’t living. I’m stuck though. I can’t go against my family but I can’t keep going on like this.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Do you feel like me?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: Like you’re always waiting for something more that isn’t going to come?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: That’s it. You’re absolutely right. I keep waiting for something better, for a chance to break out of this corner I’ve been backed into but there’s nowhere else to turn.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It’s lonely.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Yeah.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I’m glad I met you though.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I am too.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Ai-chan, can I ask you something now?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Of course.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I don’t want to go on like this, but I don’t want to be alone. If you feel like I do, don’t you think it would be better to end things with one good person to see you off?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What do you mean?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Let’s do it. Let’s disappear together.</b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira can’t help feel a pang of sadness as she goes through her message history one last time. There’s no point keeping them. All these kind words were lies. All the late night rants and morning check ins were little more than a trick to get her guard down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other night was something out of a dream, but there’s a thin scratch on Makaira’s cheek and a bruise on her shoulder from when Izaya shoved her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not as if Makaira has been living under a rock or anything; she’s heard plenty of the incident only a month ago about the Black Rider causing a scene on Sunshine 60 street. Something about the Dollars and her being connected; then there were rumors about a bartender with super strength and then someone going around cutting up people. There’s all kinds of unbelievable things happening around Ikebukuro; it’s almost impossible to live in the city without hearing some wild story or gossip. Even a homebody like Makaira catches snippets of conversations and retelling of things heard from a friend of a friend of a friend when she has to leave her apartment for food or essentials, at least what she couldn’t have delivered to her doorstep. Of course, Makaira had no idea of knowing what was real and what was a lie and what was a bit of both. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, she had dismissed it all; when Maikaira decided to relocate, the last thing on her mind was local legends or scary stories. It has nothing to do with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira deletes the thread of conversation; she’s already opted to hide whether from other users that she’s logged in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s past noon. By now Makaira would be chatting with Kanra about lunch plans. Today, she would have told her friend all about her adventure last night. It almost feels like an initiation; after running into two of the most notorious figures in Ikebukuro, it’s as if Makaira has become an official resident. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“My hair’s getting shaggy. I should get a trim soon.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira shuts down her computer and checks her phone; she had cleaned her apartment yesterday. There are still a few commissions waiting to be finished, but Makaira isn’t in the right mood to do work right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I wish I could do something. I wish I never met Kanra. But maybe I deserved it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s true what Izaya said. Makaira does feel good about reaching out to the people she’s talked to in the past. She feels like it’s the right thing; by that logic, Makaira is a good person. After all, it’s not as if she’s being entirely deceitful. Everything she had said was the truth, even if her intentions weren’t what she had led Izaya to believe. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I guess we really are even.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Being inside for most of the day and night is a comfort Makaira is lucky to have. She doesn’t have to subject herself to the crowds or the noise of the city. This is the first time Makaira has ever felt depressed thinking of getting on the computer right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I could go to sleep, but what good will that do if I have that dream again?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Within an hour Makaira is showered and dressed to go out; within fifteen minutes, she finds herself practically swallowed up by the people walking to and from all around her. It’s not too bad in this area since school is still in session, so Makaira doesn’t feel quite as suffocated as she might have been. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There’s a lot of cool stuff around here. I’d love to find a new series to get into. I could have sworn there was a bookstore ahead...but maybe I should get a bookshelf before I buy more...”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great prices!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira’s whole body seizes up at the flier being shoved in her face; she immediately feels ridiculous for shouting, but she honestly hadn’t seen the man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have great prices. Come in, eat. You like sushi? We have freshest, best priced.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira just barely understands the man; she waves her hand and smiles apologetically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, no thanks. I don’t like sushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man and his booming voice rise over the crowd; Makaira has to stop herself from jumping a foot into the air when he shoves a flier into her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just had bad sushi. My Russia Sushi is best in town; here, free coupon for first visit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, but I’m really not hungry. Actually, if you can, could you tell me where-?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a late start on lunch. That’s no good. You have porridge in your head when you should have sushi in your belly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like porridge either…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira doesn’t think this man is listening; that, or he doesn’t understand what she’s saying at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here we go, best seat in house. Denis, one order of lunch special for hungry customer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gotcha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Denis doesn’t look quite as intimidating as the man who had all but forced Makaira inside the restaurant; he’s chopping something behind the sushi bar with movements she can hardly see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Long time no see, mister. Enjoy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Thanks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira climbs onto the stool in front of the bar; the coupon is still clutched in her sweaty palms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that. Simon means well, but he can overdo it now and then. You did want the special, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Um, here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that after you're done with your meal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira wishes she hadn’t been made to sit down at the counter; on the occasions she has eaten in a restaurant, Makaira prefers a corner or at least a window seat where she can look outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Maybe I can move to a table before he’s done.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a few tables around the corner; there’s what looks like a couple already taking up the booth farthest from the front door and a lone man sitting closest to the counter to Makaira’s right. She lets her stare linger for a moment since he’s facing away toward the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Cool dreadlocks.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what are you looking at?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira turns to her left and almost falls off her stool right there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you deaf?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Makaira croaks. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo Heiwajima doesn’t seem assuaged. His narrowed eyes are regarding her with blatant suspicion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry doesn’t excuse you gawking. You got any manners?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira can’t believe it. This can’t be real. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If there’s a God, they must hate my guts.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you staring at? Are you looking to pick a fight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, no, I’m-!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shizuo, calm down. You’re scaring my customer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get involved!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Denis inclines his head towards Makaira. “Sorry about him, but you know, you really shouldn’t stare at people. Especially considering the types that come here...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira opens her mouth to speak but nothing’s coming out. Shizuo is still scowling at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your problem?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to stare, I was just looking around for a table.” Makaira feels tears well up in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’ll-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on over here? Shizuo, don’t tell me you made this young lady cry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, everyone’s attention is on the young man from the corner table; Makaira hadn’t even noticed him come over. His date is still at their table, eyes wide and looking oddly unconcerned. She almost looks excited; the man with dreadlocks has turned in his seat; unlike the woman, he looks exasperated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what’s the big deal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it, Tom. I’m just teaching this kid a lesson his parents must have forgotten to.” Shizuo turns to address the young man. “And what are you going on about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom shakes his head. “Come on Shizuo, don’t get yourself all riled up over some punk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything happens in slow motion, yet faster than Makaira could process. The young man who had stepped up to Shizuo turned on Tom, who was still in his seat facing them; he’s barely phased about the fist that would have made contact with his nose if not for Shizuo’s intervention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh man, so much for a peaceful lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Denis barks. “You all better take this outside or otherwise knock it off before all three of you are banned for life!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira doesn’t know whether she should be off herself. She knew Shizuo was strong, but she had no idea he was so fast; it had taken maybe less than a second for him to cross the room to block the other man’s punch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here’s your food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira gives Denis an incredulous look as he sets down the platter of sushi in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit dammit dammit. People just keep pissing me off today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo’s growl draws Makaira’s attention away from her unwanted lunch. He actually looks ready to pop a blood vessel, but the young man doesn’t seem phased. In fact, he looks almost as angry as Shizuo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t just ignore a woman being harrassed. I think you would know that by now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo’s brow furrows. “Huh? What are you talking about Chikage?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised at you, Shizuo. No lady deserves to be treated with hostility or referred to so rudely.” Chikage glances over his shoulder at Makaira. “Don’t mind us, miss. You go ahead and enjoy your meal. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to gaze at me with those lovely eyes myself, though not everyone appreciates attention I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss?” Tom cranes his neck to peer around Shizuo. “Oh, he’s right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira waves awkwardly before going against every instinct telling her to make a mad dash for the door while she can. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t just leave things like this though.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing hard, Makaira stands up and bows at the waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for staring, really. I just thought your hair looked cool. I didn’t mean to be rude, I swear!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo glower falters and he abruptly lets go of Chikage curled up fist; the action almost throws the other man off balance, but he right’s himself before falling over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, do I know you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira straightens up. “No...well, sort of? Last night you almost hit me with a vending machine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Chikage’s hisses. “You seriously almost injured this woman and you don’t even have the decency to remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Makaira exclaims louder than she intended. “Look, he was aiming for Izaya. I don’t think you saw me, he was standing in front of me when you threw it. But I’m fine, I-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Shizuo doesn’t seem to be listening as he makes his way to Makaira; even standing, she barely reaches his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you friends with that fleabag?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s a long story, but I met him and then the Black Rider-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Celty?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira nods. “Do you know her? She saved me last night. Twice, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No kidding?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know Izaya?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like a switch, Shizuo’s blank expression darkens and Makaira stammer to rectify the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, I’m sorry-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey now, that’s enough. Can’t you tell you’re making her nervous?” Chikage is once again at Makaira’s side, a comforting hand resting on her shoulder. “By the way, my name is Chikage Rokujou; you can call me Rocchi if you like. I know I’d enjoy it. I hope you can excuse him, some men just have no clue when it comes to the fairer sex, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira backs away. She’s not scared of Shizuo. It’s not his fault she messed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I ruin everything.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss? You don’t need to worry, Shizuo just got the wrong idea.” Tom spoke up. “I guess things got out of hand, huh? But don’t worry, you’re fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, honestly. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bother anyone.” Makaira turns to Denis and holds out her credit card. “How much for the platter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on. Don’t tell me you’re just going to let that food go to waste?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira’s flinches as a hand settles down gently on her shoulder; though it was Shizuo’s gruff words that stopped her in her tracks, it was Tom’s who reached out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanted to sit at a table, right? Why don’t you let us pay for your meal? I should take responsibility for my underclassman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry about earlier and for getting in your face before. Once I lose it, it’s hard to keep my head.” Shizuo scratches the back of his head. “Not to make excuses, but I haven’t eaten yet today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira isn’t sure what to do. It feels wrong to stay and join them, though she isn’t sure why. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. You two can have my platter if you want. It was nice meeting you officially, but I really should go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No we didn’t.” Shizuo cocks his head to the side. “I never gave you my name and I don’t know yours. So how can you say we’ve officially met?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Sorry. My name is Yoshino Makaira.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heiwajima Shizuo. Let’s get something straight right now: I don’t like violence and I definitely don’t like being violent to girls. I jumped the gun before. My bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a pain. All this fuss over a misunderstanding. But if it pleases the lady, I’ll just go and return to my date.” Chikage winks at Makaira. “Feel free to join us if you get bored with these two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finally.” Tom smiles mildly. “I’ve had enough drama for one day. I’m starving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Tom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it.” Tom waves off Shizuo’s apology before turning his attention back to the stunned Makaira. “Come on, grab your plate and sit with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No double coupons.” Denis calls over his shoulder; he’s already gone back to prepping some yellowtail. “And keep it down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, sorry Denis.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m used to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira stands there dumbly for a moment, watching in disbelief as the three men disperse back to their seats. It’s as if nothing happened at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you just going to stand there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira quickly takes the platter of sushi with her; she takes a seat next to Tom, who’s scooted down to make room for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our order should be up soon, but the special looks good too. Let’s dig in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and Shizuo snap their chopsticks apart and waste no time putting pieces of sushi on their plates. Chikage is back at his booth, making eyes at the blushing girl across from him, who also seems to be positively enthralled by his attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It hasn’t been twenty four hours and I’ve almost died three times. Why did Shizuo get so mad when I mentioned Izaya? I better not bring him up again. I don’t want to think about him anyway. The only reason I went outside was to get my mind off everything but I ended up running straight into the guy who almost killed me...and that only happened because I was with Izaya. I don’t know if I just have bad luck or bad timing.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you hungry? Here, try this one.” Tom places a piece of sushi on Makaira’s serving dish. “The flavors here are a bit odd, but I promise, you’ll like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira uses her own chopsticks to pick it up. She can smell cabbage and something sweet. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Maybe I can balance out the taste with soy sauce.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira reaches out for the bottle at the same time as Shizuo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, no problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo takes the bottle and pours a little into his dish; when he goes to hand it over to Makairu, it slips out of his grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got it.” Makairu uses her napkin to dab at the small spill. “No worries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you smiled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo looks down and starts to shovel three pieces of sushi into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forget I said anything. Just try the sushi will you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a second of hesitation, Makaira braces herself and eats the sushi roll whole. Shizuo and Tom are both watching her curiously for her verdict.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tastes...good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure look relieved.” Tom chuckles. “Didn’t expect it to turn out good, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira smiles. “Yeah, I guess not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Izaya loves Makaira Yoshino. He loves her, truly, as he does every human. It was indeed an unexpected turn of events that she ended up reacting in a way Izaya hadn’t thought of. Makaira’s response to the situations Izaya put her in once again served to remind him just why he loved the human race so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It just goes to show, no one really knows how a person is going to be until the time comes to show their true colors. The chances of being able to accurately figure out anyone is slim to none. Even with everything Izaya has been able to learn about Makaira, all he could do was make an educated guess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s the fun part. The sheer infinite possibilities of one human being is enough to turn Izaya’s head with delight. It’s all about sonder. The realization that people have their own stories, their own intricate, insane little worlds where Izaya might be a background character, a supporting character, an antagonist. Izaya supposes there are those who categorize him as a villain and he can accept that. It’s fine by him. Izaya doesn’t care how humanity sees him; all that matters is he can indulge in observation of humanity forever. It’s all he’s wanted for a long time now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira is another story entirely of course. Not to say she doesn’t have as rich of a life or desires just as important to her as anyone else’s. It’s a sad story to be sure; it’s a wonder Makaira hasn’t killed herself, but then, maybe it’s not so strange. If there’s one thing Izaya has learned from watching humans, specifically in times of crisis, it’s that they’re resilient. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s just one of the reasons Izaya can’t help his love, even if no one else gets it. Izaya doesn’t expect anyone, especially not someone like Makaira, to be able to comprehend his way of thinking. No doubt she must think him a reprehensible person on principle. One of the many things Izaya knows about her is that Makaira can’t approve of senseless cruelty; to her, his expressions of love must seem borderline evil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is most likely because Makaira believes human life is precious, not something to be wasted or taken for granted. Quite the opposite; in her opinion, everyone deserves to live as they see fit, at least as long as they aren’t intentionally bringing harm to others. Everything within reason, naturally. The main idea is that a person’s life is not something to be toyed with.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“She’s not online but I can still see our chat history. Maybe she’s hoping deep down, everything I said was a joke.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya closes the messaging app on his phone; Makaira hasn’t attempted to reach out to him but she also hasn’t blocked him on the site. Truth be told, Izaya is almost sure Makaira hates him for what he did; even if she doesn’t and has found it in herself to forgive him, it’s just as likely he will never hear from her again. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Too bad. It was fun picking her brain.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya has to give credit where credit is due; now that he looks over their past conversations, Makaira had never said in certain terms that she intended to go through with dying alongside him. The only thing she had agreed to do was meet up on top of the building Izaya had given her directions to. In hindsight, Izaya might have gotten wind that something wasn’t quite right. Makaira is as straightforward as she is mindful of her words. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s not like Ai at all.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s no doubt about it: Makaira Yoshino is one hundred percent human. Confused and mixed up but with clear and definite wants. Izaya can scheme and theorize to his heart’s content, but only Makaira can make the final decision. Everyone is ultimately responsible for their own lives; just as Makaira said, she’s not able to make someone do what she wants anymore than Izaya can. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ai has a manipulative side, whether she likes it or not. She had me fooled and over something so miniscule. Then again, I wasn’t paying attention to her responses; I was more fixated on the outcome of our meeting.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the one thing Izaya hadn’t given any thought to. He wasn’t at all prepared for someone to try manipulating him for his own good; granted, Makaira had no clue what Izaya’s true intentions were either. It was Izaya who started their months-long relationship; he had scrolled down a list of posts and picked out the first username to catch his eye. ‘Ai’ must have been one of the first users to create a profile seeing as how she didn’t need to include numbers or strange symbols in her username. Next thing Izaya knew, Makaira was spilling her guts to him within days; in no time at all, Ai and Kanra had become the best of friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s exactly why Izaya finds it odd that Makaira, someone as empathetic and quick to care for someone else as her, was so unaffected by the revelation that he was using her. It couldn’t actually be that Makaira believed he did care about her; she’s not stupid, unlike some easy to read brutes Izaya has the misfortune to know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The issue was that Izaya didn’t know Makaira as well as he presumed. He hadn’t taken into account that she was withholding something or that she even had that kind of restraint. Then when all was revealed, Izaya didn’t leave the impact he was hoping to; no one was dead or hurt, there wasn’t any dramatic climax or outbursts. The results of his experiment were more in line with what Makaira had wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So basically, things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to so you’re pouting like a child. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namie is clicking away at her computer keys; perhaps she’s hoping to become so involved in her work to the point she’ll be able to tune out Izaya completely. A woman can dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only someone as twisted as you would classify a girl not throwing herself to her death as a let down. Not that I’m surprised mind you, thought I don’t see why you’re complaining to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya folds his arms behind his head. “You are my secretary. Is it not part of your job to listen to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is picking up your dry cleaning part of the job too?” Namie fires back dully. “I choose to put your whining under the many unpleasant things I’m forced to put up with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By the way, have you heard from Seiji?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya smiles to himself; he can practically feel Namie wishing him a slow, painful death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me Namie, why do you suppose Ai was so foolish as to bear her heart and soul to me yet was simultaneously able to hide such a key aspect of her personality? Any guesses?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t know. I have no interest in your sick games. Still, I do find it funny,” Namie pauses to turn in her chair; on her stoic face is a rare smile of satisfaction. “I guess you can’t read people as well as you think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never claimed to. I just have a knack for sniffing out another person’s real intentions. A skill that rarely fails me. Call it intuition if you like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d say obsession, but you’re the one who keeps going on about it. Have you thought of seeing a therapist or are you so deluded you’re still convinced there’s nothing wrong with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s rich coming from you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what is that supposed to mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing much.” Izaya sits up from the sofa and stretches his arms. “Well, I’m feeling peckish. I think I’m in the mood for sushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It tastes best when pieces are swallowed whole I’ve heard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Namie, if I ate like that, wouldn’t I choke?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get my hopes up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya grins to himself all the way downstairs; he’s been in a funk all morning. There’s nothing to do and he’s been feeling less than engaged. He ended up spending the whole night online, unable to sleep and desperate for something to peak his interest. By the time the sun was up, Izaya was bored out of his mind. Namie is always good for a laugh, but even rubbing her lowly position in her face only provides so much entertainment. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I should have known better than to try to hold a civil conversation with that woman. She has no imagination; her head is forever occupied with her equally demented baby brother.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t actually occur to Izaya that he’s setting himself up for more annoyances by entering Ikebukuro; it’s always a displeasure to see Shizuo Heiwajima alive and breathing the same air as him, but Izaya really isn’t in the mood to mess with him. He just doesn’t feel up to it today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s easy to take a route that goes over the usual path to Russia Sushi; Izaya decides to take the literal high ground and scale the various buildings surrounding the restaurant. It’s a good way to stretch his legs and survey the area. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn. It looks like Shizu-chan had the same idea. What an irritating coincidence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Izaya can mull over going somewhere else to eat or just throw away his plans for a peaceful meal, he catches sight of a familiar mop of hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, well…what do we have here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya takes his binoculars from his jacket to double check he’s seeing right. Sitting across from the bane of his existence is indeed one of the humans he loves so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder if Shizu-chan knows he came within inches of taking an innocent life with his rampaging?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya wonders how Makaira must be feeling right now. It’s not everyday someone dodges certain death, meets a headless fairy, a feral beast, and gets betrayed by their supposed friend; all in all, Makaira must be pretty overwhelmed at this point. And yet, looking at her, Izaya would never guess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t know better, I’d say it looks like Ai is having fun talking to that monster. Now that is amusing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Namie did get one thing correct: things did not go according to Izaya’s myriad of possible outcomes, but that wasn’t the problem. It was that things hadn’t gone how he thought they might and Izaya wasn’t enjoying it nearly as much as he usually would. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t make sense to think of Makaira and feel disappointed. She had exceeded Izaya’s expectations and proved herself to be far more intriguing than he was led to believe. It wasn’t the first time it had happened and Izaya sincerely hoped it wouldn’t be the last. He was confident humanity would never cease to amaze and inspire Izaya to push the limits of human capabilities when faced with unanticipated obstacles and opportunities to prove what they were really made of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite this, Izaya feels no joy remembering last night’s events. That being said, he also didn’t have any regrets; Izaya couldn’t even say he was angry or even irritated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t stop thinking of it. How strange.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>When Makaira returns home that afternoon with a few books, purchased on recommendation from Shizuo, she realizes it’s the longest she’s been away from her computer in months. She feels a bit guilty for not getting any work done though, so Makaira compromises to spend a couple of hours on one of her commissions before reading the first mystery novel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not until Makaira checks her email inbox and enters a pizza order that she notices a notification from her messaging app. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Can we talk?</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>A: How are you doing today? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I finally finished the article. I never thought I’d get it done, who even reads about recipes from magazines anymore?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’m good. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: What do you mean? Aren’t there tons of magazines all about cooking?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I guess, but with the internet I can just look up any recipe I want. It’s definitely less hassle than buying a subscription.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Maybe you just don’t want to talk to a seller over the phone to get one?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Haha. First off, most can be bought online. And I don’t have a problem talking on the phone.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It’s just more convenient to make selections online.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I don’t know, I like to go shopping in person. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Why?”</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You can try stuff in the stores, get free samples, and there’s so many places to go! Plus people watching is so fun, you see all sorts of types at a shopping center.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Have you been to Toranoana? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: No, I’ve been pretty busy unpacking. What kind of store is it?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You seriously don’t know?!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I just got here, remember? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s a chain store that sells manga and some other stuff. Or do you only read books?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Oh that sounds cool. No, I read both. I have more books though. I have a couple of manga series, but they’re only a few volumes each.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Is your place too small for a collection?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: No, I just don’t have enough bookshelf space. I’d love to get shelves for my books and another for manga. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: My place is small, but it’s just right for me. What about your place?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s your standard five bedroom house. I have my own room, but that’s the only place I feel at home. My parents make me leave to have meals with them or take me to important social events, but that’s it. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: If they didn’t need me to keep up appearance, I don’t think they would care if I was a shut in. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Do you plan on moving out on your own?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Someday. I’m saving up; once I’m done with school, I’ll definitely find somewhere to go. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s not really going to change anything though. I’ll always be living in their shadow. You know what I’d love?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: To assume a new identity.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Huh?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You know, maybe fake my death and get a new name and all that. I’ll start over and no one will know me. I can be whoever I want.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What would you do?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I don’t know. Maybe I’ll join a gang. Have you heard of the Dollars?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Very funny.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Sort of. I don’t think they’re a color gang, right?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Not quite. Anyone can join and there’s no requirements to it. There’s a few scary guys who affiliate themselves though. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Like yakuza?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I bet there’s some who are members, but you’d never know. I heard the Black Rider is a member and Shizuo Heiwajima. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: He’s super scary! He’s like a wild beast or a rabid animal in action. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Really? Have you seen him? Can he really lift things twice his weight?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’ve seen the damage he leaves behind and I’ve heard rumors. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: And he’s in the Dollars? Why would the Black Rider join an internet gang?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Who knows? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I’m not up for anything like that. I’ll stick to messaging my friends.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Like me?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Exactly. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Thanks for saying that Ai-chan. That makes me happy.</b>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stupid, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo wraps the butt of his cigarette into a napkin before tossing it into the trash bin. Makaira doesn’t mind him smoking as long as the smoke doesn’t blow in her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not the first time that scum has messed with someone’s head. It makes sense now though.” Shizuo replies. “I thought you didn’t seem like the type to get in trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All those stories you hear of men pretending to be women online and I fell for it.” Makaira sips her milkshake; the bench underneath her still feels cold. If Makaira knew she would be out this late, she would have dressed in more layers. “I don’t feel bad about being lied to so much as that. I believed everything ‘Kanra’ was saying. I guess a part of me was desperate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To think there was someone who thought I was special...that I was making someone that happy, just being myself.” Makaira stirs the remaining clumps of ice cream until they melt with the milk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We better stop talking about this. If I hear anything else, I’ll get really pissed and waste my ice cream.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo spoke too soon; the cone topped with vanilla fudge swirl was smashed in his fist. Makaira quickly hands over her extra napkins so Shizuo can wipe the mess off his palms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t I was pretty much done anyway.” Shizuo takes a deep breath and throws out the crumbled remains of his dessert. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, this shake is the best I’ve ever had.” Makaira holds out her cup. “Want some? I don’t think I can finish it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, thanks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Makaira’s bewilderment, Shizuo doesn’t pry the lid off to drink from the cup; without any hesitation, he’s sucking from the same straw Makaira had just had her lips on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry.” Shizuo pulls the cup away. “I didn’t realize there was so little left and drank it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem, I’m pretty full from all that sushi anyway.” Makaira replies evenly; she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of anything. “I didn’t want to say anything, but I don’t actually like sushi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could have fooled me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I like the way Denis makes them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re definitely something else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo adjusts his sunglasses despite the sun being almost completely hidden over the city’s building by now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you wear a bartender uniform?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My brother bought me them as a gift when I was working as one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was nice of him.” Makaira is almost disappointed; the answer Shizuo gave her was way more simple than she had guessed. “Does he live in Ikebukuro too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah. He travels a lot actually.” Shizuo stretches out on the bench; if he laid on his side, his legs would be dangling off one end. “We see each other from time to time though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you miss him much?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo shrugs. “As long as he’s doing good, I’m fine. I’m pretty busy with my job anyway. Heh, it’s a miracle I still have this one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems perfect for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo looks over at Makaira and she knows she’s said the wrong thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying a job beating up people suits me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all! I just meant because you and Tom seem to get along so well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I didn’t get that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira won’t bother telling him she was also thinking what he said. “I should have spoken more carefully, you just told me you don’t like violence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo sighs. “Just let me apologize, will you? I already feel bad for biting your head off back there too. I misunderstood things...I should be able to control myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not your fault though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell does that mean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the phrasing, Shizuo doesn’t look mad; he really doesn’t know what Makaira means. It’s easier to keep calm around him now that she knows it’s just how he talks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying people shouldn’t take responsibility for themselves, but there’s no point beating yourself up over what you can’t control. I don’t think you’re a bad person for having a temper. I think how you deal with the things you want to change says more about who you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do.” Makaria smiles. “Trust me, I’ve had my share of people blowing up at me when they didn’t mean to, so don’t worry so much. I’ve got a pretty thick skin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo nods distractedly and Makaira takes his silence for not wanting to talk anymore. She doesn’t mind though; it’s nice to just sit and watch the cars and people go past. There’s only one bench in front of the ice cream shop and Makaira is glad they were able to claim it. Shizuo had suggested treating her to ice cream as an apology; Tom had been nice enough to let Shizuo go on break while he went back to the office to get something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would have never known about this place if you hadn’t brought it up. I’m definitely coming back sometime to try a sundae.” Makaira says, thinking this is a safe topic to bring up. “Too bad Tom couldn’t come with. Does he like sweets?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira waits, but Shizuo isn’t offering up anymore input on the subject. Just when she’s thinking of a way to politely leave him to his thoughts, his voice stops her train of thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That Tom’s not here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira shakes her head. “I don’t mind. It was already so nice of him to invite me to sit with you guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not...nevermind.” Shizuo stands up heavily. “My break is going to be over soon. I should get going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh right. Thanks for treating me, the milkshake was so good!” Makaira stands up too. “It was nice meeting you too, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A beeping sound alerts Shizuo to his cell phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, hang on a sec, it’s Tom.” Shizuo accepts the call and puts the phone to his ear. “Hey, I was just about to head over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira checks the time on her phone while Shizuo’s talking; it’s already late afternoon. It’s been nearly three hours since she stepped out to go to the bookstore and she still has no idea where it is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Shizuo frowns a little. “I didn’t-I mean, I guess...are you sure it’s okay? Alright, but not because of that. Okay. Alright, see you bright and early.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo pockets his phone. “Looks like I got the night off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice.” Makaira looks around her briefly. “Hey, I don’t suppose you could give me directions to this bookstore? I thought it was by Russia Sushi, but I don’t know for sure where it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re not familiar with the area, I’ll just go with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t want you to get lost. No offense, you look like an easy target.” Shizuo puffs at his newly lit cigarette. “You need to walk with your eyes forward, like you’re going somewhere specific. Simon can sniff out weakness; I bet he corralled you inside for lunch, didn’t he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira chuckles sheepishly. “Yeah, I see your point. But if he didn’t, I wouldn’t have met you guys and had sushi I actually like, so there’s that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, your legs are longer than mine!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Makaira hadn’t known better, she could have sworn she was on a date. Shizuo had even walked her home to make sure she got back safe, though he did mention his place was in the same direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s nothing like I thought he would be.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The blustering, foaming at the mouth tough guy Makaira had pictured from Kanra’s description couldn’t be farther from the Shizuo she had met. If anything, it was the exact opposite; when Shizuo was in a calm mood, he barely said a word. Makaira would go so far as to say he was a bit air headed, at least from how often she had caught him spacing out. More than that though, he and Tom had been so nice; it was the last thing Makaira would have expected from debt collectors, let alone from the rabid beast Shizuo was painted as.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He really didn’t have to look after me like that. What a kind thing to do. I should pay him back if I see him again.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira had been having such a rough start to her day, she couldn’t have imagined it would have turned out so well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That being said, going by Makaira’s past experiences, she really shouldn’t have let herself get too relaxed. The proof was right there on the computer screen, waiting to rain on her parade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira still hasn’t opened the message inbox or logged on. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I shouldn’t respond. There’s nothing to talk about. Remember, there is no Kanra. It’s just some creep named Izaya and it looks like I’m not the first person he’s messed with. I should just block his profile and try to forget this ever happened.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira is about to follow her own advice when another notification pops up.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Please, it’s important you hear me out.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Shizuo was here, Makaira might seriously consider pissing him off so he could kick sense back into her. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What is it?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Thanks for not ignoring me. I knew I could count on you.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Just tell me what’s so important. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s not something I can say over the messenger.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I need to meet with you in person. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Why? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Like I said, it’s not something I can say. I don’t want anyone hacking into our conversation. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: If it makes you feel better, your savior is going to be there. She’s actually sort of involved. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Can’t you at least give me a little context? Are you in trouble with someone?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Can you meet me tomorrow?</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira pauses. On one hand, she would like to see Celty again and if whatever serious thing Izaya is involved with includes her, Makaira definitely wants to help. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Where were you thinking?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Shinjuku station at 6pm. That’s usually when you take a break from work, right? I can pay you back for fare money. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Alright, I’ll take the train and message you when I’m at the station.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Thank you, Ai-chan.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira doesn’t bother responding. She won’t give Izaya the satisfaction; or perhaps he would be more amused with her giving him the cold shoulder. Either way, there really isn’t anything Makaira has to say to him. She doesn’t think Izaya will hurt her; even he said himself that wasn’t his intention the night they met up. All he wanted to do was see what Makaira would do.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He got what he wanted, so what is this all about? And how is Celty involved? What’s so important Izaya would be worried about someone trying to read our conversation? What if he’s lying? Maybe I shouldn’t go.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently, Simon wasn’t the only one who could sniff out weakness; Makaira is too tired to put up a fight. Tonight she’ll get a good night’s sleep and make up her mind in the morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t let this ruin what a good time I had. And who knows, I didn’t expect things to go so well today, so maybe this will turn out alright too. I’d like to properly thank Celty if I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Makaira is wide awake; she needs to use the computer before cracking open her new novel. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know just the thing to do for both of them.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>K: Ugh what a day. Ai-chan, give me some good news to cheer me up?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Hey Kanra, are you okay? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Did something happen today?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Not really. Same old drama. I got into it with my parents. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What happened?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I don’t feel like talking about it honestly. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: That’s okay. What do you want to talk about?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Anything. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’m sorry, I don’t mean to brush off your concern. I just need to be distracted right now.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: That’s totally fine. I did have some good news actually. I just feel bad bringing it up when you’re not feeling good.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: No, I want to hear it. Why was today good?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I got approved to buy that apartment in Ikebukuro! I was worried at first, but my landlord called this morning to give me the okay. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Seriously? That’s so awesome!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: The apartment has a shared laundry room and it’s a bit dirty, but everything inside works fine. All I really need is a place to set up my office and I’ll be set lol.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Office?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Well, my computer and my desk. I think they’re the nicest things I own, but they’re necessary to do my work properly.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Oh yeah, I almost forgot you were a writer.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I guess. I’m freelance, it’s not like I published a book or anything. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Maybe I should save all our convos for when you get famous!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Lol, yeah right. I’m fine writing articles and doing commissions and stuff.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You never know what will happen. You really are a great writer.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Hey, can I tell you something?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Sure, shoot.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s kind of embarrassing, but I haven’t deleted our message history. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: What I mean is, I like looking back on the conversations we have. Talking to you cheers me up when nothing else does. I feel like we can tell each other anything.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I feel the same way. I get genuinely excited every time I see you’re online. I love talking to you, you have so many interesting opinions and you’re so funny.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: You know, part of the reason I decided to move to Ikebukuro was because of you.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Me?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: You make it sound so amazing and I want to go to some of the places we’ve talked about in that area. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I want to see things you’ve seen. Maybe someday if you’re in the area we could meet up.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Oh but only if you’re ready of course! I don’t think you’re some weirdo serial killer or anything, but these days you just never know. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: LOL I don’t think you’re a serial killer. I do trust you. It’s just hard for me to talk to people face to face. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I can put on a mask for everyone else, but I couldn’t do that to you. But it’s not that I don’t want to ever see you.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: There’s nothing you need to explain to me. Like I said, talking with you like this is just fine. It’s more important to me that you’re comfortable.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I never want to ignore your feelings. Real friends wouldn’t put pressure on each other like that.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: See, I told you Ai-chan.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I feel better already!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I’m glad. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’m going to log off, I can only chat for a minute. My parents are giving me grief about how much time I spend on the computer.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: They sound super strict. But it’s okay Kanra, I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble with your family. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’ll try to get back online soon, ‘kay?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: No rush, message me whenever!</b>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It’s surprisingly easy to pick Izaya out from the masses in Shinjuku station; not because he’s standing particularly distant from the crowd or even looks like someone who stands out. If Makaira had first seen Izaya out and about on the street and didn’t know who he was, she probably wouldn’t have even noticed him. The one thing that does set Izaya apart might be his looks, but that’s about it. Nothing about his manner or his clothes say ‘watch out for this guy’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That vibe Makaira gets when Izaya starts speaking and when his cunning eyes cut across her as she approaches him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glad you could make it. I appreciate you showing up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agreed to. Where’s Celty?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s run into some trouble and said she would catch up with us.” Izaya explains smoothly. “I planned for her to meet us at Ikuta Steakhouse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira must have looked skeptical, because Izaya was quick to clear up what he was intending.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She will be joining us, rest assured. I just thought the least I could do was treat you to dinner since you went through the trouble of coming on such short notice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I didn’t have plans or anything.” Makaira confesses. “Is this a good time to give me the details on what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet.” Izaya covertly glances around before ushering Makaira to the nearest exit. “I have a car waiting for us. Don’t be so tense, we’re not under surveillance or anything. At least, I don’t think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira tries to walk next to Izaya without looking at him too much; she’s virtually mute as he leads her outside to their ride. It looks like the kind of vehicle someone would take to avoid cops. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Allow me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya holds open the door for her and Makaira slides into the back seat. There’s a window dividing the driver from the passengers and the car smells like leather and some kind of deep spice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buckle up. We’ll be there shortly.” Izaya sits on the seat opposite from her. “Ikuta isn’t far from here, but I thought this would be more convenient than walking or taking a bus. The weather’s been unexpectedly chilly for the season, don’t you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira looks outside the window; it’s tinted, so she doesn’t feel awkward while looking out at the people they pass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve never been to Shinjuku, right Ai?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My name’s Yoshino. You can just call me that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Yoshino Makaira, correct?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira looks at Izaya with wide eyes. “I never told you my name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t need to.” Izaya nods and crosses one leg over the other. “You see, my work specializes in finding out things like people’s real names.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you do for a living?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira already knows all the things Izaya had said about school and entering a family business are as fake as the smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me introduce myself properly: my name is Orihara Izaya. I’m an underground information broker; my clients include people from the Awakusu-Kai to heads of corporations to politicians. Celty likewise is an underground transporter; I myself have hired her for assignments or have passed on jobs through my clients.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira looks thoughtful. “Now I can see why you would be so cautious, but I still don’t get what I have to do with any of this. Do you guys need me to publish a recipe for you or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya chuckles. “I always did enjoy your sense of humor, Ai. Putting that aside, I’ve been wondering, did your handle come from your given name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The name I wanted was taken, so I went with Ai.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were going to just put your name?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a tap on the glass behind Izaya’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like we’re here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira thanks Izaya when he opens the car door for her and when he opens the door for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a problem?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“The sign says smart casual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it.” Izaya’s hand gently steers Makaira toward the host desk. “Table for two under Nakura.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>True to his word, no one makes a comment on their clothes and the host actually seems to jump to attention when he sees them. When they’re seated, Izaya insists on taking Makaira’s jacket and pulling out her chair. She once again offers a mutter of thanks, though she can’t help cringe away from his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nakura?” Makaira asks as soon as the waiter takes their drink order. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An alias.” Izaya picks up his menu. “Do you know what you want? Order whatever you like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira opens her own booklet and scans the options. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What the hell? Why is everything so expensive? How much for…? Oh man, I’d have to save up for at least three months to eat here.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya must notice Makaira discomfort. “Would you like me to order for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, no, I’m okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you see anything you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just...this all looks very pricey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that all? I did mean it when I said this was my treat, included with your traveling expense of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to, this is more than enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waiter comes around to refill their waters, give them their drinks, and jot down their orders; Makaira ended up letting Izaya decide their entrees since it seemed he was more familiar with the menu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t eat here that often, but a handful of my clients do. I prefer sushi myself.” Izaya stirs the ice cubes around in his bourbon. “But you don’t eat out much at all, do you Ai?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira sips at her tea slowly so she doesn’t burn her lips, almost wishing she had ordered wine or a whiskey. It just doesn’t seem wise to let her guard down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you mad at me still?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira pauses blowing off her drink to cool it down. Izaya is smiling ear to ear and his tone doesn’t suggest he’s annoyed. She can’t tell what he’s thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can be honest. I don’t blame you for any hard feelings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was mad, but I’m not anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what’s with the mime act? You’re usually so chatty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira can’t believe what she’s hearing. Izaya presses on, either unaware or uncaring how she must be feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s only logical to be upset with me; I did lie to you, but that being said, I know you well enough to recognize when you’re not happy. If you’re over it as you claim to be, I don’t see why you’re acting so cold towards me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just it. You know me, but I don’t know you. I don’t think I can trust anything Orihara Izaya says. I trusted Kanra.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira has to take a moment before going on. She doesn’t want to cry in front of this stranger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was falling in love with her. Classic, right? Having feelings for someone online when you haven’t met them. I didn’t have any reason to distrust you though, so I didn’t. I took it all at face value. I’m not mad at you anymore. I can take responsibility for myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being around Izaya only drives the fact home that the person Makaira knew might as well have been a figment of her imagination. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By the way, when are you going to tell me why you really asked me to come here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya doesn’t answer Makaira right away; the waiter has come with their food. Once their dishes are laid out in front of them and the waiter is assured there’s nothing more they need, Izaya speaks up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Celty isn’t coming, is she?” Makaira cuts into her steak carefully. “I thought you might be lying before, but I didn’t know for sure. Then when you spoke to the host, you said you reserved a table for two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, you caught that huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what did you actually want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you would agree if I just asked you to join me for dinner.” Izaya doesn’t reach for his utensils. “Would you have taken me seriously if I told you I just wanted to make up for what I did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Makaira looks up from her fillet. “So what did you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya rests his chin in his hand. “Tell me, did I really break your heart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess. I’m feeling better today though. I would leave now, but I am hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya watches as Makaira eats; she doesn’t care that he’s watching, but even now, she won’t look directly at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that all? You just wanted to see what the aftermath was of your experiment?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Believe it or not, I do have a good reason for inviting you out tonight. I wanted to give you a warning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya smiles again. Finally, Makaira is looking at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You recall our run in with Shizu-chan? I see his attack left you worse for wear.” Izaya taps his face to indicate the spot Makaira was cut. “It looks like it might scar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. It’s not infected or anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still, you got that just from being in vicinity of that monster’s wrath.” Izaya clicks his tongue in a disapproving manner. “I don’t think he would associate you with me, but just to be safe, you should steer clear of him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh it’s okay. I actually ran into Shizuo the other day. There was a misunderstanding, but I cleared things up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya begins to laugh in a way that chills Makaira to the bone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really Ai, you don’t need to waste manners on Shizu-chan. Reason doesn’t work on a monster like him. You just can’t tell when he’ll snap; it’s just not smart to involve yourself with something you can’t handle. You’re human.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shizuo’s human.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya scoffs, but Makaira persists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, sure he has a temper and I can’t say I understand the way he thinks, but-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“No, you don’t. He’s inhuman. He doesn’t think. From one human being to another, I thought it was only right to tell you that it’s in your best interest to avoid becoming entangled with something you can’t begin to understand. One wrong move and you’ll be dead before you hit the ground. I’ve seen it, you know. Shizu-chan and I have never been on the best terms and that’s never going to change. I have no interest in monsters and I simply put, I hate him.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I’m leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ai-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And stop calling me that. We’re not friends. You said it yourself, everything you told me was a lie. I can accept that...it hurts, but I can accept that too. What I won’t do is sit here and let you insult him like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya sneers at her and his handsome features warp. His mask-like smile is gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had feelings for that monster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shizuo might be a monster, but he’s not the one who’s inhuman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira stands up quickly, mouth set in a thin white line; she can feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She can barely contain herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for the meal. I’ll find my own way home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waiter rushes over to Izaya to ask if everything is alright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do me a favor. Clear all evidence she was here and refill my drink, won’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir, right away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya thinks he can afford to have another drink before he gets back to work. The night is young and Makaira has him with a lot to think about.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>K: I’m sure you’ll look cute no matter what. If you want to try short hair, just go for it!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I am getting bored with having long hair, but is that a good enough reason to get a haircut?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>K: Lol you don’t need a ‘reason’ to do it. Besides, it’ll grow back if you end up hating it, right?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I know, I always get indecisive when it comes to stuff like this. I don’t even really care what anyone thinks, but I just feel so self conscious when I try new stuff with my style.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Not that I really have much of one in the first place. ^-^`</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: What do you feel comfortable wearing?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: I guess just looser stuff. Sweatshirts, hoodies, and t-shirts, but not crew neck, loose collars are the best. Am I the only one who hates turtle necks? It feels like the weakest choke hold.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I don’t think I’ve ever heard it described like that.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: But the best things are oversized sweaters! I wear them all the time!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: What do you do in the summer? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Well, I don’t wear them outside in that case. Sometimes during summer I blast the air conditioner and pretend it’s fall….</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It does sound comfy, so I don’t blame you. I can just imagine you all snuggled up and reading, like a cute caterpillar!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Lol, I really shouldn’t wear them so often. I get all cozy and then I feel too lazy to do anything but stay in bed. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: You sound like you’re always busy with stuff though. What do you do to relax Kanra?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I like reading, but if I want to relax I usually go out places. Movies, shopping, going for walks, restaurants. I have this favorite place that’s my go to for sushi.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Ew.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: ?!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I hate sushi. I’ve never had any kind I liked anyway.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I don’t know you. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Steak is superior.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Omg stop.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Curry is the best comfort food anyway. Especially the extra hot flavor!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It’s ten times more delicious than raw fish anyway.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Ugh, I think I need to reevaluate this entire friendship.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Pan fried fish is good. How’s that?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I suppose. You have redeemed yourself in my eyes.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: But fatty tuna is the worst.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: OMG YOU TAKE THAT BACK.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Make me.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I will telepathically come through your computer and slap you. I will astral project my hand to your face, right now.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: For real though, can you imagine being able to just go anywhere you want through a computer? Like, you type in a place online and you can just imagine yourself there and you’re there.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It would be convenient, but I think traveling is part of the fun. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Really? To be honest I’ve never done any traveling. I’ve only ever taken the train to another city, but no plane rides or anything like that.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Actually, I’m super scared of heights. I think one of my greatest fears is that feeling you get when you’re standing on the edge of a tall place.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: What feeling?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: Like you’re scared to fall, but you can also kind of see yourself stepping over the edge and falling? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I think I get it. It’s like when you’re in a super quiet  place or something so you want to blurt out something or make a lot of noise?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Omg yes! Or when there’s fresh fallen snow and you want to stomp around in it.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s like you’re reading my mind! Hey, you don’t have telepathic powers, do you? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Lol I don’t think so. I’d hate to read minds actually.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: What? Why?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It just feels rude. I don’t want to invade people’s privacy. I feel uneasy just going into someone else’s house, even if they invite me.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I love seeing how other people live. You can tell so much about a person from little things like how they carry themselves inside vs out in the world, or how they cook or do domestic stuff. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I guess I don’t really notice things like that. In general, I’m just not curious about other people. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Not curious?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: I don’t think much about what other people are thinking. I tend to take everything at face value, but I try not to judge either. I hate when people decide how they feel about someone based on first impressions, you know?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I don’t think it’s accurate, but in some cases…</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Ai-chan, what do you think of me?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: I think you’re great.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Even if you have bad taste.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Look who’s talking.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: But thanks. I don’t hear that much.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: You should. I think so anyway. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: How did that meeting with your parents go? Did they introduce you to their colleague?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>K: Yep. It looks like I have a job after I graduate. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Is that a good thing?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>K: It would be nice if I was the one choosing where I work, but I’m apparently not competent enough to make decisions for myself.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help you with your parents. Not like I’m one to talk.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You shouldn’t feel bad for cutting that bastard out of your life. You’re not obligated to take care of him just because you’re related. He certainly wasn’t keeping that in mind when you needed a father. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I know. I don’t regret my decision. It’s just hard. I know it’s pathetic, but part of me always hoped maybe things would get better. Like he would wake up and be a real family.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It’s too late now. I don’t care what he does from now on. I just want to move on with my life. I’m so tired of holding myself responsible for the mistakes he made. I’m tired of beating myself up over how I used to be. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You were a child. It’s not your fault.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Thanks Kanra. It feels nice to tell someone this. I haven’t been able to really open up about this stuff for a long time now and you already have your own problems.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I love how we can talk about anything, whether it’s what’s bothering us or stupid things like my hair anxiety.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s not stupid. It’s something you care about. You’re always so down on yourself Ai-chan. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Sorry. It’s depressing, I know.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It just makes me sad to hear you say mean things about yourself. You’ve been through so much already. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Would you talk about someone else the way you talk about yourself? Seriously?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: No.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: See? Case in point. Tell you what, if you ever catch yourself being too hard on yourself, message me. I’ll give you so many compliments, you’ll be begging me to shut up lol.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I don’t think that’s possible. ^_^</b>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The first thing Makaira does when she gets home is delete her profile off her messaging app. It’s safe to say that this whole mess has turned her off of chatting online forever. Besides, there’s no point keeping the profile active; Kanra was the only person she communicated with through the app these days anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t understand. He lied to get me over to Shinjuku just to warn me about Shizuo?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira can’t bring herself to believe Izaya’s intention was to offer dinner as a way of apology; even if it was true, it was a sorry offer. As if steak and opening doors for her was enough to erase the damage he had done. It just went to show how bad Izaya felt, if he even was at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On that note, Makaira doesn’t believe for a second that Izaya’s warning about Shizuo was born from concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I bet he just threw that in for the hell of it. Izaya admitted he and Shizuo hate each other; he would try to make him look bad. I guess he figured I would just believe him.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira feels disgusted; how can someone be so messed up? Surely Izaya was satisfied with already making a fool out of her. What more did he want?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m glad I met Shizuo for myself before this. Not that I can trust anything that comes out of Izaya’s mouth. I don’t care if he is right. It doesn’t change the fact he’s even worse. He couldn’t care less who he hurts, does he? Just as long as he gets a kick out of it, what does it matter to him? From the very beginning, he was using me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s relatively early in the evening and once again Makaira finds herself repulsed by the idea of spending it in front of her computer. At this rate, she might end up chucking it in the trash.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Now I really don’t have anyone to talk to.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira trudges to the bathroom to wash her face in the sink; she hasn’t stopped crying since she came home. Her cheeks feel stiff and her nose is a little raw from blowing it. Makaira honestly hates crying, but she can’t deny it feels good to just let it out. After making sure her face is clean and changing into something else, Makaira uses her phone to look for a cafe or a cake shop. The plan now is to spoil herself with a treat to stuff into her face while she spends the night watching romantic comedies and videos of animals being cute and gets drunk on the second cheapest brand of red wine.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There’s a liquor store near the pastry shop. Did they put it there on purpose?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira just wants to wrap herself in her covers and forget. She’ll allow herself a little more time to mope and feel bad and then she plans to forget this whole incident. Izaya probably already has.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s funny though: when Makaira thinks of Izaya, she doesn’t think of Kanra. It’s as if he was piloting a body double in her mind or something, as if they were still two seperate people. Makaira supposes it’s not too far off the mark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whenever she thought of Kanra, Makaira had a very distinct idea of what her friend would look like. She imagined someone about her age, but much more elegant, even model-like; going off on the life described to her, Makaira just figured she would appear as classy and ladylike, or at the very least, more put together than Makaira was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira lets out a little sigh of relief when she finally arrives at the pastry shop; she had nearly gotten lost halfway there until she turned on her phone’s GPS to guide her. It was worth a few strange looks; it was considerably warmer inside the shop. Makaira wouldn’t be surprised if it began snowing soon, but the sky was cloudless and the moon was bright, even if it still had to compete with the city lights.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I guess I was sort of right. He could be a model if he dressed more fashionable. I bet he gets stopped by scouts all the time. Awful personality aside, I still think Shizuo’s better looking though; he sort of looks like that actor.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira is still deciding what she wants to order to go while trying to recall what movie Yuhei Hanejima had been in recently when she heard her name being called. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fancy running into you here, Yoshino.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first Makaira doesn’t recognize the man flanked by a small group of girls crowding the entrance to the cake shop. The girl holding onto his arm and nuzzling into his side pouts slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rocchi, who’s this guy? A friend of yours?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A switch flips in Makaira’s memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh from Russia Sushi! I’m so sorry, the hat threw me off. It’s Chikage, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, you already forgot me? I guess a lot was going on, but still, I’m hurt.” Chikage tips his hat with a wink to show Makaira he’s just kidding. “I never forget a pretty face though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girls all share looks to each other and the one closest to Chikage offers a sheepish smile to Makaira. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my gosh, sorry, I didn’t realize. I didn’t mean to be rude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re fine, I get it a lot.” Makaira bows. “I’m Yoshino Makaira. It’s nice to see you again Chikage, I’m sorry for before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember you now!” another girl adjusts her stylish glasses. “It’s just like Rocchi to step in when a lady’s in trouble, but I didn’t know you were a girl at first either. My name’s Sienna, this is Kana, Kiyomi, and Non.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, nice to meet you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira bows to everyone in turn as Sienna points them out. They all smile back at her, but Makaira notices a couple are glancing at each other and back to Chikage. Makaira is surprised; she doesn’t see what they have to be worried about. Flirting is second nature to some guys and it’s obvious Chikage doesn’t mean anything serious by it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“They’re all so pretty. Are they all together? Chikage sure is popular. I don’t think I could handle so much attention.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sienna returns Makaira’s greeting with a bow of her own. “Anyway, it’s nice to see you’re okay. I totally thought that Shizuo was going to kill you for a sec.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shizuo Heiwajima? No way, you pissed him off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the guy who beat up poor Rocchi’s face before!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got into a fight with Shizuo Heiwajima?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira blushes. “No, it wasn’t like that, it was just a misunderstanding. Chikage was nice to try to help, but it wasn’t a big deal, really. Shizuo’s really nice actually-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Chikage chuckles. “I should apologize, I might have been a bit too quick to jump to using my fists. I just can’t stand seeing a lady in distress.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I should be thanking you! It was very considerate, it’s not like you even knew me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe not, but I’d like to get to know you.” Chikage looks Makaira over without shame. “Hey, are you seeing anyone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seeing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like dating wise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izaya’s cruel sneer flashes through Makaira’s thoughts. An unexpected pang of sadness hits Makaira full force. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not seeing anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, why don’t you join us on our group date then? The more the merrier. We can all grab a table, it’ll be fun.” Chikage leans in a little. “I’ll even feed you, unless you prefer sharing a milkshake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, that’s nice of you, but I was going to get my cake to go actually.” Makaira doesn’t want to intrude and she’s not sure she’s up for hanging out with a bunch of people she doesn’t know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure sweetheart? Six is better than five; won’t you be lonely?” Chikage asks smoothly. “Or were you more interested in a one on one type first date?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kana rolls her eyes. “Rocchi, come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There he goes again.” Kiyomi giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Non lightly smacks Chikage’s arm. “Are you going to ignore us all night to flirt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not.” Chikage pats Non on the head in apology. “Tell you what, you ladies grab a table and I’ll bring over your orders. Sounds good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira can’t help being a little impressed; the girls happily tell Chikage what they want to eat and drink and leave looking pleased as could be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you going to get?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira glances up at the overhead menu. “I was thinking of the opera cake and an iced cafe mocha. What about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably just a regular coffee. The girls will want to share their desserts and have me try a little of each. I don’t think I’ve met a girl who didn’t like sweets.” Chikage gives her a crooked grin. “Now, are you sure you aren’t in the market for a date tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira smiles weakly. “I’m good. I don’t think I’ll be looking for anything like that anytime soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It might find you though. It’s a big moon tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s this saying about the moon causing people to act strangely, especially when it comes to romance. If you let it happen.” Chikage adds slyly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On her way home, Makaira recalls something her father told her in one of his few rare moments of sobriety. It wasn’t often he was coherent; even without being under the influence, he tended to be belligerent and anything could set him off. But it was on a night not too different from this one, where he told Makaira about the night he met her mother. He had lied about his age and was drinking at the bar she worked; when Makaira’s mother was done with work, she found her tire was flat and so her father had walked with her back to her home after calling a tow truck. It was late and the moon was high in the sky; looking at Makaira’s mother, how she seemed to almost absorb the moonlight shining down on them, he knew he would marry her someday. He was in a daze and everyone thought he was crazy, but he knew. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He never remarried after mom left. I can’t believe he managed to marry at all. My mom must have been nuts too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira almost wishes she had taken up Chikage on his offer; still, as nice as he and the girls were, she would feel too weird. She’s just too drained to put herself in a social situation right now anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes it’s all just too much and it’s times like this Makaira wants to dig herself into a hole and never come out. Except now, the one person she thought was on her side is gone. Makaira is alone and this city doesn’t feel like home; in truth, nowhere Makaira has ever been has felt like her own. That’s part of why she was happy to move to Ikebukuro and she had hoped that the person she was falling in love with would be part of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Black Rider!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira turns her head; another woman waiting to cross the street is pointing toward a black blur that seems to repel even the moon’s light. If Makaira hadn’t been alerted, she might have missed Celty entirely. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I wonder where she’s headed. I almost forgot…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>In spite of everything, Makaira finds herself smiling. She can’t quite explain it, but something about seeing Celty just now has invigorated her spirits a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“This world is still full of possibilities, even for me. I can’t give up yet.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>A: I can’t really remember my mom. She was usually busy working and when she was home, she would end up fighting with my dad a lot. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I couldn’t even say I missed her since we didn’t spend much time together anyway.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’m sorry to hear that. Growing up must have been hard. I mean, it sounds like you couldn’t really count on your father.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It wasn’t so bad. I learned how to take care of myself pretty quickly. I used to write in journals a lot and then that transferred to stories. I needed a way to express myself I guess. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I bet you were a good student too.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I wasn’t the best, but I passed everything. I sort of wished I had joined a club, but I always needed to get home right after school to help my dad.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Were you in any school clubs?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I was in a biology club, but only because this weirdo wouldn’t stop pestering me to join. We ended up being the only two members.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Do you ever wish you could go back and just redo your whole childhood knowing what you know now? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Why would I do that?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: Personally, I’d love to take my time to enjoy things more. I would probably have either pushed my dad more to get help or I would have left sooner when things were still bad.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’m surprised to hear you say that.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Say what?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Knowing what you know now, that you would still try to help your father. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Back then I still loved him. Maybe a part of me still does, but it’s not enough to sacrifice my life to look after him. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You could say it comes with loving someone.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I feel like love to a lot of people is tested by how much someone’s willing to suffer. At some point, enough is enough. I would rather be alone than end up some love martyr, you know?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Have you ever been in love, Ai-chan?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: No, I’ve never even been on a date. Honestly, I don’t know who would put up with me though. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: LOL what are you talking about? You’re such a good person and you’re funny and talented. I bet you’re super cute too.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I’m not sure. People keep thinking I’m a guy when they meet me, but I guess that doesn’t automatically mean ugly right?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Maybe you make a cute guy. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: But you know, looks aren’t everything. If you were looking for a serious relationship, you wouldn’t just be taking looks into consideration.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I think it depends. I couldn’t stand being with someone who was attractive but mean or selfish. I just couldn’t get past their personality.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: They say a man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What’s that mean?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>K: Basically, love is blind. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Oh that makes sense. I think that’s why my mom held out as long as she did with my dad. I think she was hoping for a miracle. I never want to gloss over a person’s faults just because I love them. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: That sounds more like loving a shadow.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Exactly.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: My parents just want me to marry someone successful. They even thought about arranging a marriage for me at one point.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: No way! What happened?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>K: The other family decided against it and the whole thing just sort of got shelved thankfully. My parents are always on my case to go out and meet people irl.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I guess it’s too much to ask to find someone on my own time. I bet they wouldn’t even care if I married someone awful as long as they could secure a deal through it.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What kind of person would you want to marry?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’d like someone who could hold a conversation, obviously. I’m not too picky. Overall, someone who could keep me entertained. I couldn’t stand being stuck with someone boring.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I like boring actually lol. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Seriously?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I guess my big thing is stability and being comfortable around each other. We don’t have to like all the same things or even go out much. I want to be with someone who could accept me. We would always be there for each other and they would make me feel safe, like I always have a home to go to.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Sorry, I’m rambling. It’s funny, I haven’t thought much about it until you asked.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s okay. It sounds like you’re ready for marriage already.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Maybe someday. I just need to find someone who would actually be willing to marry me lol.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You never know. The next person you meet might make you get a premonition of love.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Not to be cynical, but I don’t believe in love at first sight.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: A premonition of love isn’t the same thing. It’s when you meet someone and you get this instinct that you’re going to fall in love with each other.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Do you think that can happen?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>K: I think people believe what they want to. It doesn’t claim to be accurate though. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I hope you get to marry someone you love. You deserve to be with someone who treats you like an actual person and thinks about what you want.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Do you think so?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: Of course! I think everyone deserves to be with someone who can make them happy. Lol, even if neither of us get married, we can just be single together! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Why don’t we just get married? I hear marrying your best friend is the way to go anyway. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I’m your best friend?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>K: Duh. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Aw, really?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Would I lie to you?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the end of the week, the weather has warmed up considerably; the thin layer of frost on Makaira’s window melts before the sun is completely up and temperatures are only going to rise according to the morning forecast. It’s mild enough outside to bring out even more people from their homes and Makaira can’t go take a step without becoming surrounded by a small crowd on her way to Russia Sushi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss, welcome back!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira had to duck just as Simon was turning around to wave his advertising sign toward another clump of potential customers; they scurried past with apologetic smiles, possibly worried about getting swung at themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi sir,” Makaira inclined her head. “Sorry to bother you, but have you seen Shizuo pass by here recently?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shizuo? No, not today. His boss is having lunch though.” Simon gestured towards the restaurant. “You meet Shizuo for lunch date? Perfect timing! Today’s special is half off fried squid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, that’s not why-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, don’t worry, the squid isn’t moving anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira can’t get out another word as Simon steers her to the doors of Russia Sushi; despite his gentle hand, Makaira nearly stumbled trying to get past the doors when Simon returned to the street. Luckily she managed not to drop her bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Denis was at his station, seeming to have just finished a platter of sashimi. “Denis is fine, kid. You want a table again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, Simon told me Tom was here? I just needed to-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Oh you meeting him for lunch? No problem, he’s over by corner, near the bathrooms.” Denis nodded to the sitting area. “We’ve got a decent crowd today, but it’s that time of year, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira nods noncommittally before thanking Denis and making her way to the tables; she had to be careful making her way around the other customers. Nearly every table was occupied, but there was Tom sitting alone just like Denis said. He noticed Makaira first before she could greet him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, long time no see.” Tom smiles with a small wave. “It’s pretty packed today, feel free to grab a seat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Makaira smiles gratefully. “Is it usually like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not usually.” Tom replies. “But today every restaurant is likely to be busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom looked at Makaira strangely. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Makaira checks her phone. “Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really didn’t know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that Makaira actually looks around, nearly all the tables around them are taken up by couples.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s what Simon meant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I asked Simon if he had seen Shizuo here lately and he thought I was meeting him for a date.” Makaira laughs. “Anyway, I’m glad I caught you at least. I wanted to give both of you guys something actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom’s face breaks out into a half grin as Makaira presents two bags of checker cookies; a few are a bit too brown around the edges and some are threatening to break in half at the slightest amount of pressure, but Makaira thinks she did okay. She’s confident they taste fine anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These are sort of a thank you for lunch and an apology for that misunderstanding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Shizuo also was nice enough to walk me home after he helped me find the bookstore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bookstore?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why I was out in the first place.” Makaira explains. “I didn’t even mean to come here. I’m glad I did though. I hope you like these kinds of cookies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’d say no to homemade sweets? Besides, they look great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t made these in a long time, but I followed the recipe exactly.” Makaira passes Tom both bags. “Could you give the other one to Shizuo when you see him again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I might end up eating them all before then.” Tom teases. “Of course, Shizuo might actually kill me if I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira chuckles. “He told me he liked sweets, so I thought this would be perfect. I really do hope he likes them though. I know they don’t all look perfect, but I really did try hard to get them just right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You put a lot of thought into this gift, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I feel kind of bad honestly.” Makaira picks at the hem of her sleeve. “I’ve heard so many rumors about Shizuo Heiwajima and I didn’t know what to make of it, especially seeing it for myself. That was before I got to talk to him though. I don’t want to mention it to Shizuo, but recently Izaya contacted me and was telling me a lot of awful things.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Good thing you don’t. Just mentioning Izaya Orihara while Shizuo’s around is enough of a trigger to get his blood boiling.” Tom smiles with slight exasperation. “With their history, I can’t say I blame him, but still, I know Shizuo hates to get worked up himself, even if he does loathe the guy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The feeling is definitely mutual.” Makaira grimaces at the memory of her last talk with Izaya. “He was pretending to be all concerned, telling me I need to be careful, like Shizuo’s some rabid dog that needs to be put down. Izaya doesn’t seem to think Shizuo even counts as a human; I would have been more weirded out if I wasn’t so mad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yoshino…”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“But I don’t buy it. I already know what a troublemaker he is now and even if it’s true, I don’t care.” Makaira’s conviction was firm. “Maybe Shizuo has a temper and he isn’t the best at being social. I’m not so good at talking to people myself actually. Sometimes I just want to give up being around people altogether...especially after what happened with Izaya pretending to be my friend. That really sucked.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira can feel the threat of tears burning in the corners of her eyes, but she goes on. Tom’s looking concerned, but it’s important for Makaira to speak up, even if she can’t say these things to the person she wants to hear her right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told Izaya that to me, he’s the one who’s inhuman, because even with his flaws, Shizuo is a good person. I’m a stranger, but he was so nice to me and I feel lucky I got to see what a kind person he is for myself. Maybe I’m overthinking things. I just wanted to do something nice for him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you crying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira is startled by the deep voice behind her; she gives Tom a bewildered look, but he just shrugs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you crying?” Shizuo repeats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey Shizuo.” Makaira turns around in her chair after dabbing her eyes with her sleeve. “I think my allergies are acting up. Uh, how much did you just…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are crying. Is it because of what that bastard did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo looms over Makaira like a gargoyle, only with a hard expression to rival stone. His voice is similarly gravelly and rough; it’s quivering, like he’s holding back from shouting in her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay. I’m just feeling a bit emotional I guess.” Makaira smiles weakly. “But it’s not a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo stares silently at Makaira for so long, she almost thinks his brain has actually stopped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tom, I got your platter and the address from the office for our next job.” Shizuo gently sets down the plate of sushi and the file folder Makaira hadn’t noticed he was holding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank, Shizuo. Sit down and eat while the fish is fresh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t, I’m going to Shinjuku to kill Izaya.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom sighs. “I thought so. Try to come back by three, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait!” Makaira stands up. “Shizuo, you don’t have to do that, I’m fine, really!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Shizuo pauses but doesn’t turn around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, but I can’t sit here and do nothing when I know scum like him is still breathing. He’s going to learn a lesson about screwing around with people today, count on it.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“But, but-!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira looks around wildly and sees the cookies still sitting on the table in front of Tom; she grabs a bag and manages to catch up to Shizuo just as he’s outside the entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shizuo, Happy Valentine’s Day!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cookies! They’re checker ones!” Makaira pants. “I-I made them just for you. You should take the time to try them. It’s tradition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a long shot, but miraculously, Shizuo stops mid stride to glance over his shoulder at the bag Makaira is holding out to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your name again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After taking a minute to properly catch her breath, Makaira is able to speak again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yoshino Makaira.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah.” Shizuo rubs the back of his neck. “And those are for me?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Makaira nods. “I hope they taste good. Do you mind trying one now for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s something tense about the few seconds before Shizuo reaches out his hand to take the cookies from Makaira. As soon as his murderous rage had come, it was gone; Makaira almost couldn’t believe the same person from two minutes ago was the same standing in front of her now. Shizuo almost seems shy as he brings one of the crumbly cookies to his lips for a bite. Makaira is holding her breath; she doesn’t think Shizuo would throw a tantrum over some subpar baking, but she does want him to like them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira’s worried expression breaks out into a huge grin. “That’s good to hear. They’re not too burnt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shizuo shakes his head. “You made them yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Makaira tells him. “I don’t know if you heard while I was talking to Tom, but I wanted to do something nice for you since you were so helpful before. I loved the book you recommended by the way. I finished the whole thing in a day!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you guess who the killer was?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I had a couple suspects in mind, but I wasn’t too sure. Does the author have any other things published?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Just one other book. I like the first one best, but his second novel is pretty decent too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira feels beyond relieved; it seems like Shizuo’s in a good mood again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll check it out. I need to get home soon, but next time I see you, I’ll have to recommend something from my library.” Makaira hesitates before continuing. “Would you mind if I got your number?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My phone number?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to give it to me if you’re not comfortable-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Before Makaira can finish, Shizuo has his cell phone out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put yours in, my contacts are open.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Makaira’s surprise, there’s less than a dozen numbers already listed. Not that she’s one to talk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here.” Makaira hands Shizuo’s phone back to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me know how you like that book later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will!” Makaira waves awkwardly before realizing how silly she must look. “Sorry, I never know what to do with my hands. Anyway, have a good lunch break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makaira can’t help smiling to herself all the way home; it’s the first time she’s exchanged numbers with someone in years. Granted, it had almost ended in possible bloodshed, but it was something.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I really am glad he didn’t go to Shinjuku, but it was sweet of him to get so upset on my behalf. I guess he must know how I feel, seeing as how Izaya has caused him so much trouble in the past. I’m surprised Izaya is even alive now.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>In spite of it all, Makaira thinks she’s had a pretty good day. She was able to thank Tom and Shizuo; she might have even made a friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“A real friend...maybe things really are turning around for me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>K: I am soooo bored.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: What’re you up to?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Just doing some school work, but I can’t focus. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Lol it’s not good to put it off you know. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I’m just taking a break…</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It’s good to let your mind rest. Did you know the human brain can focus on something with their full attention only 45 minutes or so at a time?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Really?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Yep. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I never knew that. You’re so smart, I bet it doesn’t take you that long to even finish your work.</b>
</p><p><b>K: It’s just so boring. I just want to take off and do something, you know?</b> <b><br/></b> <b>A: Like what?</b> <b><br/></b> <b>K: I’d love to do something new. Maybe even take a random train somewhere and get off at the sixth station and explore wherever I end up. Just something to shake things up.</b></p><p>
  <b>A: Sixth station? Like Chihiro?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Who?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It’s from this movie about a girl who ends up in the spirit world and has to save her parents from turning into pigs forever. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Sounds fun.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I always wanted to be her, like, go on this fantastic adventure to another world and make new friends. To be fair, I would have rather been almost anywhere else than my house.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: If you could be anywhere right now, where would you go?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I’d like to be wherever you are. We could go exploring together, that way even if we end up somewhere we aren’t familiar with, we’d still have each other.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Lol, you said yourself you never travel. You might be the one who gets me all confused, Ai-chan.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Give me some credit, I’d bring a map. Or we could use our phones.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: If the batteries die?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I always bring an extra charger with me wherever I go! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: If you lose it?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I carry coins around for payphones. We could just ask for directions or check the station maps.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You’re not the type to make a big decision without a lot of thought first, aren’t you? I can see you planning out things in advance for even a day trip.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Better safe than sorry. I guess it doesn’t really matter though. In the end you can’t control everything, right? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: At that point I just try to go with the flow and figure something out.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Do you still feel that way? I mean how you wish you could just go somewhere else than where you are?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Sometimes. There’s days I don’t even want to be anywhere. I just feel so bad, I don’t even want to get out of bed. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I know what you mean. It takes a lot out of me to just keep it together. I feel like life is just passing me by and there’s a lot I want to do, but it seems useless. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Like you’re just going to wind up in the same spot you were trying to leave? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: And no one seems to care. I could die today and it wouldn’t really matter. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I feel that way sometimes too. I’m sorry. I wish I could help you. You don’t deserve to feel lonely.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I don’t think anyone else understands me like you do.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Thank you, Ai-chan. I better get back to work before I get into a bigger slump. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Of course, no worries. Make sure to take breaks when you need to and have something to eat later.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Talking to you is cheering me up. It’s nice to know someone cares.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I do care about you. ^_^ take care of yourself, okay?</b>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>More than anyone, Namie knows the weight of what one thoughtless action gives to major consequences. If it wasn’t for that day, that one careless decision, perhaps Namie wouldn’t be here now, listening to Izaya’s maniacal chuckles and seemingly unending monologues as he types away at his keyboard. Namie guesses her employment was a result of him being bored of talking to himself.</p><p>Izaya truly is one of the most disgusting people Namie has ever had the displeasure to meet. How anyone could possibly delude themselves like Izaya into such a toxic obsession, she’ll never know. It makes Namie cringe just to know Izaya clumps her in with his precious humans, even if he makes sure to passive aggressively let her know just what he thinks of her.</p><p>In the end, Namie supposes she might have ended up here anyway. Whatever trouble is going on, Izaya always seems connected to it somehow; eventually, she would have found herself asking for his assistance in exchange for his services. </p><p>Unlike him, her love is real. As far as Namie is concerned, Seiji’s happiness is her own; she’s the only one who can know his heart, what he needs. They’ve spent their whole lives together, just the two of them and no one is closer to Seiji than her; to say Namie is envious of Mika Harima in any sense would be laughable. The girl is a fool and judging by her history, a chronic fanatic when it comes to love. When Seiji’s silly preoccupation with the dullahan's head fades, Mika Harima will be left with nothing but her own ugly self, forced to face the reality of their fake love. <br/>When that happens, Namie will be there, as she always has been; whether she ends up in prison or in the employment of someone with a few eggs short of a dozen. Someone like Izaya could never hope to grasp the lengths Namie is willing to go; his ‘love’ for humans is self-serving and just sick. It can’t hold a candle to Namie’s love because unlike Izaya, she is willing to give up her life, her heart, her very soul for the sake of her beloved. Listening to Izaya go on and on about ‘his’ humans and the plans he has in store for them would churn Namie’s stomach if she cared enough to bother paying more than the most vague attention to his rambling. It really is a wonder no one has killed him yet; Namie has half a mind to contact Shizuo Heiwajima and set up a trap, but then she would have to find work somewhere else.</p><p>It does give Namie satisfaction when Izaya’s cheerful smile grows thin and his eyes narrow hatefully when the name Shizuo is brought up. Whether Izaya likes it or not, the fact remains Shizuo is human; obviously his love for humanity isn’t strong enough to overcome how petty and spiteful he really is. </p><p>Aside from their conflicting personalities and almost instinctual mutual dislike, Izaya just can’t stand the fact that Shizuo Heiwajima is able to make people like him. It doesn’t matter that Izaya himself isn’t all that motivated to be approved of by anyone; he is beholden to no one but himself. It will always irritate him how people associate with Shizuo’s despite his uncontrollable anger and awful reputation. </p><p>
  <em> “It serves him right.” </em>
</p><p>Namie muses as she adds a little too much salt to the pork she’s pan frying for Izaya’s dinner. Of course he would make her do menial tasks for him tonight, just to further rub in her face that she has to lie low and obey his requests. It’s Namie’s only option if she wants to be in a position to keep an eye on Seiji and have an income. </p><p><em> “It’s almost done.” </em> Namie checks the pork with a meat thermometer. <em> “I hope he eats so much he chokes.” </em></p><p>“You’re so careful and precise. I wouldn’t have taken you for someone who can cook.” Izaya calls over to her from his desk. “I’m curious, did you have to make dinner for you and your brother growing up?”</p><p>Namie is seething. What she wouldn’t give to be with Seiji now in their home, preparing him a delicious dinner for two. </p><p>“Namie, are you ignoring me? Come on, it’s Valentine’s Day. I thought you would be happy to spend it in someone’s company; it beats being all alone, right? Think about Seiji, how he’s spending it…he must have a date with Mika right now-”<br/>“The food is done.”  Namie all but slams the plate down on Izaya’s desk. “Can I go now?”</p><p>Izaya examines his plate. “Where’s the salad I asked for?”</p><p>Namie knows where it’s going to be if he tests her anymore tonight.</p><p>“I’ll go make it.”</p><p>“Please do. It’s not good to skip eating vegetables. But then, you are-oh sorry, ‘were’, in charge of a pharmaceutical company, so I guess you would know all about health, wouldn’t you?”</p><p>“Don’t you have any plans? Or do you intend to harass people online all night?” Namie asks calmly as she chops carrots and imagines each cut is another slice of Izaya’s fingers. </p><p>“I’m not interested in that sort of thing. The restaurants will all be packed and I don’t feel like dining around a bunch of sappy couples.” Izaya sighs and spins in his chair. “Besides, my work is never done.”</p><p>Namie doesn’t know how much longer she can take dealing with this manchild who forces her to punch in and out and insists on making her assist him with the most trivial tasks. It’s only worse now that she has to push back thoughts of Seiji, or more accurately, Seiji with a shameless tramp who claims to love him. She doesn’t know anything about Seiji; all Mika Harima understands is her own little world where she’s deluded herself into thinking Seiji could see her as anything more than a cheap imitation. Namie is barely able to take comfort in knowing Seiji could never be serious about such a devious, wretched girl. </p><p>
  <em> “I won’t let his taunting get to me. That girl is as worthy of my concern as she is of my dear Seiji. She’s nothing. I have nothing to be jealous of.” </em>
</p><p>At the sound of a plate smashing, Namie is jolted out of her thoughts and nearly cuts her finger. She whips her head around to give Izaya the nastiest look she can muster, but by the time she’s ready to give him a piece of her mind, the desk is unoccupied. The plate is in pieces on the floor almost on the opposite side of the room; the wall has a grease stain going from where the plate made contact and down to the floor. </p><p>“I suppose it’s my job to clean that mess?” Namie asks stiffly; the knife is still in her hand, but she isn’t sure how good her aim is.</p><p>“You can leave now.”</p><p>Izaya strolls past without sparing her a glance; all traces of humor are gone from his expression, despite the smile still in place. Namie drops her knife and lets out a breath she doesn’t know she was holding when Izaya is out the door; the tension in the room is gone as quick as it had come.</p><p>“I guess I have the night off then.”</p><p>Namie throws out the vegetables she had chopped and puts the dirty dishes in the dishwasher with little concern for what should and shouldn’t go inside. Begrudgingly, Namie sweeps up the broken plate and wipes down the stain until it’s almost gone; she’ll just have to do it tomorrow if not tonight. Namie prefers to do her work when Izaya’s out of the office.</p><p>
  <em> “What’s his problem anyway?” </em>
</p><p>Namie sighs and gathers the file Izaya requested for her to put in his desk; at least the day is almost over. Hopefully wherever Izaya is, he’s getting beaten to a pulp. Before Namie locks the desk drawer, she glances at the computer’s monitor.</p><p>
  <em> “Is this what he threw a tantrum over? What a child.” </em>
</p><p>It’s  just a chat group, not the Dollars, but some other website for casual conversations. Namie detests having to interact with people in her day to day life; she can’t see why anyone would choose to use the internet to get in touch with idiots from all over the world. It’s not the conversation that catches Namie’s eye so much as the image downloaded from one of the users Izaya was talking to.</p><p>It’s a bit fuzzy, but the man is unmistakably Shizuo Heiwajima, standing on the sidewalk in front of a girl presenting him with what looks like cookies. The user edited the image with kissing emoticons and flashing hearts. It’s an eyesore.</p><p><em> “He really is petty. It’s almost sad.”  </em>Namie concludes as she shuts down the computer and slings her purse over her shoulder, thinking how wonderful it would be if Izaya was run over by a truck on his way to wherever he has stormed off to.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>A: I don’t think that’s true.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It would explain the headless rider.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Do you believe in the supernatural, Ai-chan?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: I’ve never really thought about it. On instinct, I guess no. It’s hard to believe in something without proof it’s real.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You don’t know how planes work but you believe they can fly, right?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: That’s different though. If I wanted to, I could research all about how planes work, but there’s no concrete evidence that things like fairies or ghosts are real.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Ikebukuro is full of the unexplained. You believe me when I say I’ve seen strange things, right?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I don’t think you’re lying, but what if you’re mistaken? Like when people think they’ve seen the Loch Ness monster and it was just as moldy log or a dolphin.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Personally, I just stay away from stuff like that, especially things like spirits and stuff.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: But you just said you don’t believe in them.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Better safe than sorry. I would never try to call a dead person or do those demon summoning rituals. If you ask me, trying to mess with those things is just asking for trouble.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K Wouldn’t you be curious to contact a dead relative? Haven’t you ever wondered what happens after we die?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: Sure, but it doesn’t really matter to me. I definitely don’t want to die anytime soon, but worrying about something I can’t stop won’t help me live my life happily. As far as we know, this is it.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Do you believe in heaven?</b>
  <b>
    <br/>
  </b>
  <b>A: It sounds nice. I hope something like that exists. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: That doesn’t answer the question though.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I guess I don’t. I don’t know if it’s because of how I grew up, but it’s hard for me to have faith that good things will happen for me. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I’m a loser.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You’re not a loser.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Maybe. That’s nice of you to say.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: I mean it. Why do you think you’re a loser? Because you don’t have a perfect family or you don’t have a flashy job and a nice apartment? Are you judging your life based on what our society says is a worthwhile life?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Not exactly. All the things I don’t like about myself is more about how I think other people see me. I like my work and I don’t feel ashamed of my roots, but other people might not feel the same way.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It’s hard for me to get close to people. I just feel like if I let people in and they really know me, they won’t like me. I can’t stop thinking that it’s better for others if I don’t put myself out there. I’d just bother them.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Question: are you keeping your distance because you think people won’t like you or because you’re scared of rejection? You’ve never met everyone in the world. You’ve never even tried to get close to anyone.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: Yeah. I guess that’s true. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: It sounds like you’ve given up.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I know it’s pathetic. I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle being hurt by someone. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Do you think I’d ever hurt you?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I hope not. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: That kind of hurts me. After everything I’ve told you, don’t you think I care about you? Do you even consider me a friend?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I do! I’m sorry Kanra, I really do see you as my friend!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: It’s me. I didn’t want to assume that you considered me your friend. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: You really believed that?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A: I didn’t want to push the issue. I just didn’t want to scare you off. I do care about you a lot though. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K: Ai-chan, this is why you need to take chances and open up. You can avoid a lot of misunderstandings if you let people see you.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shizuo has a boyfriend!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“OW! Saburo!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Sorry man.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kadota holds his already swelling finger; if Saburo had used any more force, they might have been smashed to his bone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m telling you, she’s a girl!” Walker thinks for a second. “But maybe they’re a crossdresser?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way, he’s totally a guy!” Erika insists; she’s bouncing so hard in her seat the van shakes. “A bonafide pretty boy; he probably crossdresses at one of the clubs Shizuo has to collect money from and now they’re planning to run away together where they can get married under the law!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you better not knock those books all over my van!” Saburo barks as he finished refilling the engine with coolant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you come up with these theories? Actually, don’t tell me. I don’t think I want to know.” Kadota pinches the bridge of his nose. “You two should mind your own business; Shizuo would be pissed if he heard people gossiping about him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s not gossip.” Erika argues. “It’s the truth, I saw the picture on the Dollars site.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying whether it’s the truth or not, the point is it has nothing to do with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still say girl. She’s just like Haruhi or Oscar and she’s waiting for a harem of guys to see through her disguise and fall in love with her!” Walker gushes. “I wonder if she goes to an all boys school.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“That’s an idea.” Erika looks mildly intrigued. “Yeah...her brother was supposed to attend an all boy school for kids with money, but he can’t go, so he needs her to dress up as a man and take his place on the basketball team!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, she has to go to search for her old childhood friend and has to compete in his harem!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walker, she’s dating Shizuo, she can’t be in a harem. But she might have a female suitor; it’s becoming more common in the traditional and reverse harem genre for the lead to have a gay option. I wonder if she or he is neither...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really get the appeal though. I mean, just looking at her picture has me confused! If I met a guy who was that cute and declared their undying love for me with homemade Valemtine’s cookies, I think my brain might short circuit.” Walker puts his face in his hands. “I don’t know, maybe if the right person came around?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh for fuck’s sake, can you shut up?” Saburo presses his hands to his ears. “I can’t take anymore talking like this. Who gives a crap who the guy’s dating anyone? You two are so sappy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the guy pillow talking to his Ruri Hijiribe pillow!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Who told you about that!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Knock it off, the three of you.” Kadota’s voice cuts off their protests. “Whatever you two think, just keep it to yourselves. It’s bad enough someone posted that picture online for anyone to see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah.” Erika’s excited smile falls a bit. “Shizu-chan has a lot of enemies. If they know who he’s dating, they might try to mess with them to get at him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then some people are dumber than I guessed.” Kadota almost smiles. “I can’t believe there’s anyone in this city who would willingly mess with Shizuo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except Izaya.” Walker points out. “There was the slasher, but I heard Shizuo totally mopped the floor with the cutting zombies!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erika is pouting slightly. “Does this mean they broke up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Izaya and Shizu-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I a joke to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever, be blind to what you can’t understand the appeal of.” Erika sinks into her seat with a dreamy sigh. “Or maybe it’s a love triangle. Izaya vs the mystery bottom! No wait...that’s too predictable. Behind that deceptively innocent face is probably a sadistic dom like Kanato or maybe a sadistic power bottom like Reiji!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you really play that game all the way through?” Walker looks faintly disgusted. “It’s so tame when it comes to gore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not the point!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saburo glances at Kadota out of the corner of his eye. “Hey, if I’m tempted to swerve to put me and my baby out of our misery, cremate us together, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kadota would, but it doesn’t mean he finds his companions request any less unnerving. He can’t keep up with half of what his friends are saying. Not that it’s new, but he knows if they, specifically Erika and Walker, mouth off to the wrong person, he’ll have to be the one to diffuse the ensuing confrontation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since the catastrophe with the Black Rider and the Saika zombies and Shizuo, things have been strangely quiet. The very first mass meeting of the Dollars hadn’t happened so long ago the lingering excitement wasn’t still hanging in the air among people who were there to witness it and others who still were being filled in on the story. As one might predict, plenty of details had been exaggerated, but Kadota thinks it’s safe to say the truth is wilder than anything someone might have imagined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now the Celty, despite a few skeptics and naysayers, is basically a proven legend; the thing is, none of the mystique and intrigue has been diluted as a result. If anything, people seem even more curious than before. A being of myth and campfire tales is real and roaming freely around the city and there’s still so much left unanswered, about Celty, the Slasher, the Dollars, and so on. Briefly, Kadota can’t help wonder if the fiasco had ended up opening a big can of worms better left untouched. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the plus side, it would seem some good came out of it all; Shizuo is as volatile as ever, but there is a new sort of restraint to his spurts of destruction. It doesn’t take much to get him angry still, yet the follow through is tame in comparison to what Kadota’s has witnessed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If only some people knew when to leave well enough alone; Shizuo might actually have a chance of avoiding any more instances of property damage and one-sided brawls. Maybe, just maybe, Shizuo being preoccupied with something like a girlfriend(Boyfriend? The picture was kind of blurry)is just the thing to settle him down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unless Kadota winds up smack dab in the middle of Erika interrogating Shizuo and chattering about shipping until he’s annoyed enough to send her to the moon. Kadota would be willing to bet a week’s pay the first person to pester Shizuo about it will be treated to a one way free pass to the emergency room, if they’re so lucky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shizuo dating...it is kinda hard to imagine. Guess there really is someone out there for everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’d ya say?” Erika pops up to invade Kadota’s personal space. “Dotachin, you’re dating someone?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Where the hell did you get that out of what I said?!” Kadota adjusts his cap over his ears. “Can we just drop the subject already?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well since you asked, I did want to show you guys this new doujinshi I got. It’s so good, I already went ahead and bought three copies of each of the-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look over there!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erika was almost sent headfirst into the dashboard thanks to Walker shoving past her to look out the windshield.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“PUT ON YOUR DAMN SEAT BELTS!” Saburo swerved to miss a pedestrian just about to step foot on the crosswalk. “The hell is the matter with you two?!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“But look, it’s Shizuo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kadota squinted his eyes to the direction Walker was pointing; they were only going so fast and it was easy to pick out Shizuo standing on the sidewalk as they passed him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, look at where he is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wedged in between a few stands for toys and cheap trinkets was a flower shop. Among the people pausing or slowing down their pace to gaze at the potted flowers on display around the front of the store, Shizuo was among them, scratching his head and frowning. Just from the brief look Kadota got, he could see Shizuo was in deep thought and somewhat agitated. The last thing Kadota saw before Saburo turned the corner was Shizuo picking up a bouquet of lilies and one of daisies; he was giving the flowers a laser focused glare that would surely make them wilt if they could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lilies?” Erika was bouncing in her seat once more. “But those are funeral flowers. We should stop and give Shizu-chan some advice, those are no good for a date!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it’s for someone he killed.” Walker suggested. “I mean, it was bound to happen eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Saburo, keep driving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Planned on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kadota rubs the bridge of his nose. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“If these two start anything, I’ll be the one having to send flowers for their funerals...”</span>
  </em>
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